Hi, great beginning here. I must say you are a very good writer and I am going to continue to read this story and add a proper review when im done...
two thumbs up! M.
I like the base story here, but needs to be redone to make it feel connected. I felt like the story had a 'and then' feel, needs more building words and you should work more on using the correct words. I'd also recommend research, as you are starting a fictional story, the non-fictional (like the weight of a building, how long helium stays in a baloon) aspects need to be plausible.
Anyway, I do like the originallity of the story and hope you continue writing. this can become quite a story.
I do like the long conversation making us get a little familiar with Dria and Rafe. In my opinion It does start awfully fast, Id like to see more of a setting before we find the body, only a little. This just because they do talk a lot in this and that makes Rafe sound almost bored with the chore of having to remove the body and Dria is a little off. This could ofcorse be due to her vampire nature or something.
All in all I did find this enjoyable and I smiled to myself when I read the last part about not wanting Rafe to notice the mental imaging.
Now im off to read the rest.
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