Good poetry. Since this is a poem it would have been good if you made sure the last sentence in every paragraph was the same. It would have helped with the rhythm of your poem and would have put more emphasis on your message
I really did not understand very well your message. I don't know if this was the beginning of your story? I would have to say that I have viewed this as a poem. If you would have written it as a poem it would have been better.Good work.
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