Wow. Just wow. I don't see anything wrong at all. You seem to have a knack with rhyme schemes, something that I need to work more on. I generally use it, but in the middle and not the end. I recommend you send this into your college or high school writing contest. Another brilliant piece. Way to go!
Well, to put it simply, I love it. I love everything pertaining from the rhyme scheme to the repetition. I enjoy how you repeat the line God please, come back here, do no disappear every paragraph.
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