You are certainly successful at creating an unmistakable mood here. The notion of being caught inside a frozen-over lake, whether real or imagined, is terrifying. I wonder, though, if this veers too heavily into the melodramatic. Maybe that's by design, since our own thoughts are often overly dramatic and extreme. There's a lot that goes unanswered in this. I don't always mind this. We may know just enough about the relationship between the narrator and the woman, but then again, the tone of the narrator evolves so quickly after she appears that we may need to understand more about her role in keeping him in the ice lake. I like the imagery. The idea reminds me of something Edgar Allan Poe might write. I think I just want a little bit more to understand why all this is happening in his mind.
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