Oh god... the title alone kills this before it starts. The color scheme drives the wooden stake through my forlorn heart. Don't try to jazz your words up with gimmicks. It doesn't help anyone.
I like the overall tone and message. There's sometnhing eternal about what you're trying to say. Your straignt-forward style is effective. However, it won't get you anywhere. Not in serious poetry circles. Confessional is good. Obvious lacks imagination. Give it some spice. Make it less obvious. Give examples and don't explain them. Let your reader figure it out.
I like how you juxtapose fantasy and religion.You've done a good job of giving both weight without leaning toward one or the other. I question the title. How can you make it less fantastic and more real? Readers need reality. Details. Something they can relate to. I do like the complexity of your language. You're not far.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 6:03am on Nov 26, 2024 via server WEBX1.