Your writing is good and pretty detailed, but the story itself is somewhat confusing. I'm sure it made perfect sense to you when you wrote it, but think of the reader that is unfamiliar with the story and your thoughts. It skips directly from the happy scene, to a prison. i understand what hapened after re reading the part several times, but you may want to edit it, and make it easier to understand the first time you read it. other than that, it is a good story
keep writing!
-Morrdor
VERY well written! i loved how you provided enough detail for the short story, but did not try o emphasize like other people (or myself sometimes) sometimes do. although sad, the story has a lot of life in it, and i would enjoy reading more of your portfolio. feel free to review mine if you want, although i am new, and don't have a whole lot.
-Morrdor
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