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Review of The Moon  Open in new Window.
Review by Alex Blackink Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
This was good. I think you encapsulated it right. I had to think of the gorgeous full moon I was staring out last night through my window; all bright and shining. Great work. Maybe a little more description, but overall well done!
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Review by Alex Blackink Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Nicely done, I have several things:

1. Grammar/spelling: In the intro, "densely populated states" needs to have the s removed. The "united states" needs a capital. Paragraph two, "a slight faction" should probably be a slight fraction. In the second sentence of paragraph two, I think you're missing an "is" in between Disney and one. "One of the worlds" needs an apostrophe before the s. Capitalize Sunshine State and the world in Walt Disney World. Remove the capital from Military in paragraph three. St Petersburg is one world, and it needs a comma after it. Another comma between Sumatra and Florida. The first word of the next sentence needs to end in a T and not a d. Dade battle field and Dade massacre both sound like names, and names usually take a capital. You need another "is" in between It and also in the third sentence of the conclusion. A comma between magnificent and tourist friendly. last sentence of the conclusion, you probably mean ideal rather than deal.

2. Flow: A lot of your sentences are short and choppy. If you could lengthen them by combining them, it would flow better, and make it easier for the reader.

3. Transition words: you got the structure of the essay down pat, you just need to add transition words at the beginning. Things like "first", "also", "in conclusion" all work. I love this website: https://www.msu.edu/~jdowell/135/transw.html

Good luck!!
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