This was a very enjoyable and thoughtful read. I really like the way you set the whole situation up - it felt natural and believable, and you chose the right amount of detail to give the story a slow and haunting yet taut pace. K's reactions helped ground it all because they were so real. The disbelief, the sudden reactions, the confusion and impatience, all under a sense of creeping dread - they were very nicely done.
The only gripes I might have with this are a few grammatical things here and there - I can point them out specifically if you want, just email me - and the ending, which is very good already, but could do with a bit of tweaking I think. It was a little too sudden for me when K began the laugh in the last paragraph. I think you might have to develop a bit more - describe a buildup and succession of his reactions until he ends up bursting out laughing. Or, you can just cut the last paragraph entirely, and leave it to the reader to imagine how he might react, which I think would be a very effective device in itself. Whatever you like. Anyways, overall this was an excellent job. I'll have to check out the rest of your work.
PS - is K's name a reference to Kafka? This entire story reminds me very much of Metamorphosis.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/monkeydragon07
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 5:28am on Nov 08, 2024 via server WEBX1.