I love this, holy s***. Captured it fantastically. (formatting though, it should be in stanzas not one paragraph if it's a poem, or at least break it up a bit)
Dear god, this was really magnificent. I really felt all the emotions Alikai felt when she took the life of something so breathtaking. Very, very good read. If you were to continue this no doubt I (and many others I presume) would LOVE to read it :)
This is really good! I can't wait to read more! And although you didn't give a very in depth description of Jake, I could imagine him very much in detail. I don't know if that's your writing or just me... oh well, it's fantastic! :)
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