This is a great exerpt!! The story line so far is great. Your details are good and I was able to picture the scene easily. You have some ideas here that I have not read before in fantasy such as the "gates" from which the characters are seemingly drawing power from. You are weaving a intricate and intriguing story here.
This is a well done poem. It moved me greatly. I am not much of a poetry person so I cannot dissect it and give much criticism from a technical standpoint, but I can tell you that I can feel the emotions behind the words and picture a scenario in my mind. I am an only child of a divorced family and although my parents stayed friends and worked together, it still had its hard times. Now that I am a mother, I have a better understanding of what it must be like from a parents perspective and I feel this poem really sheds light on those feelings of loss, heartbreak and guilt.
I really like the 6th and the last stanzas where you talk about her being grown up and understanding because I know that is so true. It just hits home for me.
This is so creative and brings a warm smile to my heart.
It really makes sense in the way that butterflies seem to float more than fly, just like snowflakes.
Very strange indeed! You have great detail in this piece and I really love the very first paragraph. I did find the details got to be a little much as I read further and found myself skipping over sentences here and there looking for something significant to happen. The ending was definately a surprise and made me laugh a bit.
Overall I really enjoyed it!
Cheers,
Rissa
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