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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/michaelfizz123
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2 Public Reviews Given
2 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
Review by The prophet Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
I like the story so far, can’t wait to see what happens. The things I think you should improve on are simple. I believe you should work on a little more character development. You say in your writing that the characters have tentacles, therefor they are not human. I honestly didn’t know what a Octoling was, but after looking it up I came to the conclusion that you where talking about the characters in the game splatoon. So if my conclusion is correct and even if it isn’t then you need to talk a little more about the background. I know they are in a house or a apartment, but is that apartment under the sea or on land. If under the sea than they are not walking but swimming, If not swimming than give a reason why. I hope this advice helps you

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Review by The prophet Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (1.5)
I like the story so far, but why did Zhe, Ming and his sister Xue want to enter the room. What was their purpose, and why did Tong Ya and Ting shrink when they weren’t in the room. I believe you should add a little more facts, to give your weighting mor substance. But good work

From the Prophet
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