I can't give full review since only one chapter. I like the end, you give some detail to make struggle seem more desperate which is good. I would keep reading to see what happens for a bit. The guards need maybe more description. Are they completely silent or how strong are they when they grip alex. Usually you think about little things like breaking grips and such. There were a few awkward lines but small thing. "Would have" told him I think is better than "would of". "A massive a lie" made me think of donkey for second, just reword it if you like but those small things. Overall, not interested in people laying in bed but certainly turned around. Give it four stars based on reading so far.
Creepy and weird in a good way. I didn't understand the end though because you wrote tonight it would hunt does that mean he will be back to normal in morning?? I enjoyed it all but first paragraph, didn't get what you were going for there. "bathed the close"? Other than that, very readable. The race to window that could go either way catches interest! I enjoyed the pacing at end, hectic race to find what window open.
I hate sad endings. Can't she live and they live happily. It has a few grammar mistake that are noticeable. But other than that very memorable because she had strong love. But it's hard to believe he tortured a slave and never took her mask off. Also a husband can usually tell his wife shape without seeing her face.I am glad it had a moral though. I enjoyed it.
What was the conspiracy? You left too many questions. Is there more? Still, is the death storm only part of distraction or coincidence? I am more interested in storm than wedding right now. I think it ok for opening but on its own, too many loose ends. Still, nothing bad about it, depends on rest of story. I would keep reading so far. Thanks.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/mduskstories
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 7:18pm on Nov 10, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "