Okay, interesting. If your looking for honest criticism, to which I'm sure you are like the rest of us, then here we go. I think you have potential, you seem dedicated to the craft, and you have a knack for rhymes. But, I feel like it's being slightly forced. The multitude of rhymes, for me, took away from the overall poem, and I think there are certain words that don't really belong in the poem but were put there for the rhyming effect. Therefore, in my opinion, I would say cut back on the rhymes a bit and make sure that the words your using feel more appropriate for the piece...But also remember to ignore the critics, break all the "Rules" and dare to be different!!!
Keep at it, keep reading other poetry to help you learn, and never give up :)
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