Spooky!!! You have the makings of a very effective horror story here! When you edit and finalize what youre going to write, I'd watch for passive voice and how your tenses agree with each other, especially in the beginning. You'll want to pull the reader right there in with the MC. Also, you might want to 'show' me what the MC is doing by way of conversation with the lady who opens the door, unless your intent is that there be no interaction other than with Kathy. It will help bring more of an 'active' voice to the story.
Very well written and very amusing! It reminded me of Dragonheart and TH White. I think Id like a bit more description about what the dragon and the MC look like. You gave a lovely description of the witch, but I didnt have a clear idea of what the MC looked like until it was mentioned that he had a bald head.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/marythornell
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.09 seconds at 4:59pm on Dec 22, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
