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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/marythornell
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4 Public Reviews Given
4 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by MaryThornell Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Spooky!!! You have the makings of a very effective horror story here! When you edit and finalize what youre going to write, I'd watch for passive voice and how your tenses agree with each other, especially in the beginning. You'll want to pull the reader right there in with the MC. Also, you might want to 'show' me what the MC is doing by way of conversation with the lady who opens the door, unless your intent is that there be no interaction other than with Kathy. It will help bring more of an 'active' voice to the story.
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Review of The Mistress' Box  Open in new Window.
Review by MaryThornell Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Very well written and very amusing! It reminded me of Dragonheart and TH White. I think Id like a bit more description about what the dragon and the MC look like. You gave a lovely description of the witch, but I didnt have a clear idea of what the MC looked like until it was mentioned that he had a bald head.
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