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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/mariner
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Review by bluehawk Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
How can you improve on this one? This one TRULY deserves a 5 rating! I cannot see anything wrong with this one! Amen on this!


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Review of Painted Cards  Open in new Window.
Review by bluehawk Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
I really like the story. There are a few things, though. At first, it was a black-haired boy. Later in the paragraph, I t was a brown -haired boy.
You might want to clarify which, not to confuse the readers. Sometimes, we forget some of the facts, when we 're typing out a story. I think I've done the same thing, sometime. It looks like the start of a good story! Also, watch for repeated things, like "and and". (I've done that so many times myself!) I would like to read the 'rest of the story', as someone once said Write on!!


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