well your story left me speechless. It's so inspiring, touching and well written that I read it twice.
The 2 stories you have connected in this one, first one of Ali who wants to seek a new carrer and break traditions, and second of Hasin who came back to his hometown, are the stories of every developing nation.
I liked this one a lot.This one is really heart warming.
though the story line is good, but I think you should go through story once again and see the rooms for corrections. You can help story by shortening sentences and dividing it into well arranged paragraphs.
love, pain, sorrow, grief, loss and all. These emotions and their potrayal is what I think poetry gives.
In poem weep no more Iliked the central idea, of giving is greater than taking. If we give love, we get some in return, and even if we don't we are atleast satisfied. I liked the use of imigary in lines where sun and moon are said to be inspirational in same way.
In poem 'THE HOPE OF LOVING'I liked use of metaphor and simile both, especiallly the lines where poet says that one weeps because love doesn't reach him/her.
friends make our life so beautiful, and worth living life becomes really easy if we have good friends.
the lines I liked most in your poem are-"You mean the world to me.
You've had it right from the start....
GENUINE FRIENDSHIP."
I really liked the use of refrain, in your poetry.
The beautiful idea of going to coarpse under the sacred name of country- well potrayed and beautifully written specially elobrating the fact that the poet wants to go there because his mother had taught him this and then he ask her never to retrace his track . I really liked the central idea and protogonist of the little poem
I just read your gazal- 'Hit the Ball' and I liked it; For the reason it's first ever gazal I read in English and then the message woven in it is motivating and inspiring to struggle for one's goals.
It can really charge up someone. And offcourse, the best part even in this one like all your other poems is the use of strict format (though this one is without refrain)and controlled use of other poetic devices.
This poem I know is writtn about those hundreds of street litterers we see daily in India. The pain of excistence they suffer with mental torrments and sometimes family problems is well potrayed by you in 20 lines. others from developed nations can see Indian beggars sufferings from these 20 lines.
ur poem potray the thought beautifully how sincere a girl is in her relation with any loved one. You seem to be some of great Rabindernath's descendent.
I like the use of imagery and ur constant disciplined use of rhyming scheme.
sincerly urs
Manika
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