This is such a sweet poem! A child is such a precious gift and it is also a miracle!
The second stanza is my favourite: I remember when I first held you
As the tears ran down my face
When I wasn't sure of what to do
But to hold you in my embrace
This poem has a good rhythm and rhyming. I have found no errors.
This is a really sady poem in which you are describing how the suicide of someone close has affected you. It seems that you are writing this from experience. I'm sorry about it. You manage to describe the situation well and the readers feel your anger and sadness.
Your ending is beautiful because you are saying that life is precious and that love brings us close.
I have found no errors. I think that you should add some punctuation to make this poem have a better flow.
I really like this piece! It is well written and it is very emotional. You talk about a girl you met it summer and how she has changed you in to a better person.
I have found only 1 mistake: I’ll be there and youryou'll always know,
My favourite part is: Where ever we go in this big cold world,
I’ll be looking for you, my summer girl.
This piece has a good rhythm and the rhyming is good too.
This is a well written short poem. However, I think that you should make it a bit longer. This is just my suggestion. The stanzas are well spaced out. I think that a lot of teenagers can relate to this poem. It is only natural that you worry about what you will do in the future and about what might happen. It is very easy to lose your wits in this situation. Should you need any help...even just to chat, please do not hesitate to contact me
I have found a few spelling mistakes:
youryou're ready to break roughtrough
I like the comparison of your life in highschool to a quicksand. I have no other suggestions to give you. Keep up the good job!
This is such a sweet poem cos you are praising your mum and you tell her that you love her. It is as though you are telling her that she is the best. A lot of people would like to have a mum like yours! I'm so glad you had such a woman to guide you through life.
I think that you should add some punctuation such as full stops and commas cos the poem does not have a good flow. It is hard to know where a poem ends in this way. Try to read it a loud and you will notice where you will have to put the punctuation. Should you need any help, do not hesistate to contact me
I'm adding part of the poem here to show you what I mean
I want to {/x}thatnk{/x} thank my mother
For raising me right.
She was my cover
Through all the cold night.
This is a really well written emotional poem. Unfortuantely, a lot of people might relate to this poem. It is very easy to fall in love but it is hard to know whether the other person really loves you or whether he wants you for your body etc. In fact, you mention this in your last stanza.
The poem has a good flow and the rhyming is perfect too. The stanzas are well spaced out.
I have found 1 mistakes in your poem: its peace should be it is peace.
I think that you should add a comma in this sentenceWithout you, even the sun feels strange.
I have really enjoyed reading this poem. Keep up the good work!!
This is a well written poem in which you show us that death waits for no one. It is something inevitable and yet it scares us so much. This poem is very descriptive and you use words such as 'Pounding, racing, beating.' to show us how soon it can come. Then suddenly there is darkness and emptiness.
I have seen no errors in grammar or in punctuation. I think that you have done a good job with this poem.
You have left me speachless cos I did not expect this end! I think that this is a well written poem which shows the abuse of a teenager probably by his father. Aparently it happened for a long time but it was worse this time. You kept me stuck to the monitor!
I think that this poem has a good flow and the rhyming is good too.
I have just noticed three mistakes: I can herehear glass break
His twistHe twists the lock doorknob
A young child's is sick of being abused and does something about it.
I have seen your request on the static item page. The description of this poem caught my eye because it is about a girl who was taken to a concentration camp and who eventually ended up dying. This poem is very emotional and we see the life in a camp through the eyes of a little girl...so innocent that she believes the lies she has been told until the end.
I think that you have done a good job here. You are very imaginative. However, you should try to have a certain amount of lines per stanza. You should avoid writing 1 line in a stanza. I know that you are probably doing this to point out something but you disrtupt the flow of the poem.
I have no other suggestions to give you. I have seen no errors in grammar.
This is a really well written poem. The words such as 'solitude,dolour, frolick, grief and Dark Angel stick out. You seem to be remembering the love you once had but it was taken away suddenly for your lover died.
This poem has a good flow and the rhyming is excellent.
This is such a nice poem...it is so nice to make promises especially when they are made to the person you love. Your partner must be blessed to have you!
I think that this poem is well written. Most of the poem has a good flow. You should avoid having a long line eg:And I promise that every time you are with me you experience true bliss. This tends to disrupt the flow. The rhyming is good.
I think that you should add 'in' in the following sentence: I promise to take you in ecstasy every time we kiss,
This is a well written poem. You start by saying about how your lover was and than you make us realise that something has changed...he has hurt you. In the last stanzayou say that you will never love again because he was very special.
I think that this poem has a good flow. I have no suggestions to give you.
I think that you have written beautiful lyrics. The words have a good flow and seem to be very catchy.
You are describing something that happens quite often...someone falls in love with another person but the other person doesn't know about it. You have finally decided to tell this person. The words you use are very sweet!
I really like this introduction to your folders because it is so well presented and the reader feels as though he is entering in a different world! I like the descriptions of every folder...it is as though we are entering rooms!
I like the banners you have chosen and they make the folder even more beautiful.
I am glad that I have read this poem because it speaks about the sacrifice Jesus has done for us and how we should be grateful for all he has done for us.
My favourite part is:
It's by his stripes I'm healed,
By my beliefs, my fate He sealed.
I enjoy reading your poems! You are such a talented writer! This poem is another well written poem and it is very descriptive.
I can imagine you in a different land surrounded with things you aren't accustomed with such as sights and sounds. You long to be back at home surrounded with the people, sights and sounds you are familiar with. You can only return home by dreaming about it.
It is a sad poem and it is very emotional. I have no suggestions to give you because I think that it is well written.
This is another well written poem! This poem gives encouragement to whoever is passing through a bad time. I think that is has a positive effect on whoever is reading it.
I have taken many painful turns;
but am thankful for all I've been through.
This part shows that we have to go through some bad patches through life. We gain experience through them and we hopefully become better people.
It was their love that guided me,
to be the best person I can possibly be.
This shows that the people who surround us during difficult moments can guide you to get better.
I also agree with you when you say that there will always be challenges and the biggest crossroad is when we will die cos we don't know what to expect.
I really like this poem because it has a lot of meaning and it shows that you have given it a lot of thought before writing.
This is such a sweet poem. I like short introduction you give to the poem. It is so nice that you purposely made the poem short so that your children would be able to memorize the words.
This poem does really show the love that you have for your children. I have seen no errors in this poem and I think that it has a good flow.
My favourite part is:
Now spread your wings, my darling one,
and fly without fright.
This is such a well written poem and I really enjoyed reading it. It was written as though you are saying a tale over and over again. It is a sad poem because you talk about how a mother and son were killed one night and how the mother was trying to protect her son.
I think that the rhyming is perfect because it does not seem to be forced. It seems that rhyming is not so hard for you because you have made used of good words to rhyme. The poem has a good flow too.
I think that you have made a good job with this poem because it seems to be a true legend even though you have created it yourself. You are very imaginative!
I have found no errors in this poem and I have no suggestion to give you because I think that it is perfect.
I have really enjoyed reading this poem. You decribe how warriors used to leave their families. I like the ending cos you leave us questioning whether he survived or not.
I think that this poem has a good flow and the rhyming is good too. I have no suggestions to give you. Keep up the good work
It has been a pleasure reading your entry. Winners will be announced soon. I hope to see you in the next round!
This is such as sad poem. You are talking about the jews who were in the concentration camps. This poem is quite unusual i.e. you repeat the second and third line in each stanza. In a way you have given a good effect cos you are stressing on their suffering eg: they are dying, they are dying..... they are screaming, they are screaming.
I think that you should have tried to make the stanzas a bit longer. There seems to be something missing. This is just a suggestion.
I have not seen any grammatical errors. Keep writing
It has been a pleasure reading your entry. Winners will be announced soon. I hope to see you in the next round!
First of all I really want to thank you for sharing this short piece with us because it gives courage to any writer. You are right, by being reviewed, you learn a lot and some comments can make you improve your writing. I'm glad you have had good comments on the site and I'm glad that the positive comments have encouraged you to write a book. I'm sure your counsellor would be really proud of you She gave you the right push.
I have noticed some grammatical errors eg.
I have been writing Christmas stories for the past 6 years and sent them out in my Christmas cards. I've sent them out, but never thought of submitting them to anyone for publication.
Myself and Newsletter are one word. (not my self and news letter}
I have never one won a contest,
On the whole, I think that you have done a good job here. Keep up the good work
I enjoyed reading your poem. Every line made me think about the answers to your questions. I think that this poem is a bit repetitive and it might be easy for the reader to drift off. Don't take it as an offense please! It is just that almost in every line there is written: if I were....would you...?
On the whole, I think that it is a good poem. It is written in free style and the rhythm is good. I have noticed no errors in grammar or in punctuation.
Keep writing
It has been a pleasure reading your entry. Winners will be announced in the first week of february. I hope to see you in the next round!
This is a beautiful piece which has got a good meaning. You wrote about a painting to make an appeal to all the readers so that they won't lose their beloved ones. You have made use of good imagery and made this short story quite interesting. I liked all the descriptions you used for both paintings you mentioned.
Thanks for sharing this with us.
Keep up the good work
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/mandy24
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.14 seconds at 1:16am on Nov 11, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
