You give a lot of imagery through emotion but the physical details, are very lacking. What people look like, what color grandma's house is, the things your character sees...these are all physical details that builds the image in the readers mind. I know the emotion is the key driving force behind the story but it is absolutely important that you add physical details as well to build the setting.
Another thing that through me off is when you described the heat and the Yankees losing I thought of July or August....but then you mentioned football which is a fall sport. I know they can overlap and football can certainly be played in the heat but not likely in New York in late September....I'd switch football to baseball...
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.11 seconds at 11:57pm on Nov 24, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "