Escape from Hell-Review
I liked this story. I felt it had a lot of potential as well as relevance, but it was light on detail and narrative tension.
What I mean is that you start by saying she had to gather her courage. Okay, but then she is on the street.
How did she escape?
The details of her using a piece of metal to jimmy the door hinges or digging a tunnel to safety, how she is afraid she will be discovered every time she hears a noise in the hall beyond the door. These details are sure to keep the readers interest as well as excitement up.
Then she is running through the streets and hears pounding steps behind her… then nothing.
It is an interesting premise and I feel for the girl but I want to know what this girl has been through or at least the ending strings of her ordeal. I want to feel the triumph of her escape but Hell is very light on detail.
You could also use more imagery. For instance:
They were discarded like a used item that serves no purpose anymore.
They were discarded like used condoms; diapers; Kleenex etc.
Please keep on writing and send me an email when/if you revise Escape From Hell, I would like to read any changes.
Morocco.
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