I've never been a big fan of horror stories but you've got me hooked on them now, another frightfully wondrous tale. I love your sense of pacing, your descriptions rock.
Arrgh matey… could there ever be too many tales of star sailing buccaneers? Not in this galaxy. Some want to hear of the selfless Sir Galahad (He really wasn’t that selfless.) with bleached teeth and noble intentions but as for myself – I’ll take rouges like Athenais and the crew of the Beetle any planetary solar cycle.
First, I love title. It grabbed my attention right out of the list and judging from the first four chapters, is right on the mark. The opening setting is great by me too. It has a touch of the Mos EiIesly Cantina or any number of beer and urine stenched dives. Chapter one sets us off at a good pace. I like lots of bolts and nuts information to start a story with.
The engineered longevity scenario is probably as prevalent in sci-fi as the mysterious and feared shape shifters. I’m fine with immortality stories. I think there’s a lot of unmarked carpet in them but my eye’s rolled at another changeling plot. Not for long though. By the time you combined the two situations I was back on board. After some thought I decided while the two plot scenarios are right off the shelf they’re also probably as core to sci-fi as spaceships, stars and time travel.
The plot is solid and compelling. The pace is brisk and entertaining. (Your web site said you had thick skin.) It makes a great first draft.
I think your descriptions need more polish, particularly in the first three paragraphs and the Beetles engine room. There’s room to elaborate on the fight between Athenais and Ragnar and Dallas’s fancy flying.
Athenais makes a grand pirate captain. Her mad and immortal persona opens plenty of possibilities. I think the other characters will flush out with another draft and when I read the other chapters. Ragnar (name of a great Viking pirate) has some big foot steps to walk in.
Thanks for sharing your story. Even in the ruff it’s the most fun I’ve had reading this year and something I’d like to see on the book stands.
May your inkwell never dry and your Quill never dull.
Appreciatively
Lyness. J
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