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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/lucientattalya
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3 Public Reviews Given
3 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Never To Forget  Open in new Window.
Review by Lucien Tattalya Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is beautiful, and I love the way you showcase it.
One advice would be to look and try to make it flow seamlessly "I kissed your lips and glowing smile" for instance do not seem to resonate well with the other lines. Also, the last line can be improved to invoke the same sense of imagery in the other lines. it would provide a nice end.
It is probably a fault on my part though, I always wish for the poem to leave something to the imagination
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Review of After The Trials  Open in new Window.
Review by Lucien Tattalya Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
This is very well written. Specially with the imagery used and the way the things are spoken. One thing I would definitely advice is to let words carry their weight by themselves. When one reads something like - "Uncertain, profusely divided and introspecting incessantly", while the effect is beautiful, the words do not carry their weight equally, it becomes too much in a small amount of time . When using adjectives, you might try to show the effects, because that would leave a far deeper effect on the reader's mind. Because this is a small poem, words matter, and sometimes the larger the words, the greater their weight on the poetry.
On the positives, i love your imagery and your use of devices. I love the poem itself because of the way it is written. :)
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