I spent some of my spare time reading through a few of your stories.. This one is now part of my Top Ten on WDC that actually made me chuckle. Since it's an old writing, criticism is probably futile -not that I have much- but I am here to grant you my overall thoughts.
I think it's fascinating how insecurity conducts behavior, specifically shown by your main characters "You" and Patty. Patty was clearly enticed by you, yet your immediate instinct was, "Shit, what did I do wrong?" Which makes you say all the wrong things- but so overtaken with fear of a mistake made, you don't focus on the natural reaction of the other party that needs to be seen. Patty didn't call, not because of my personal favorite reason, number two, but because she based her actions off of "your" reaction. I, so desperately, wish he took a trip to "Goofy Andy Land"; This story would've ended in tales of their reality, rather than what could be in Imagination Land. And, it would've caused a few more laughs- maybe some more second hand embarrassment too.
Now, you'll join me for indulgence in my own imagination:
The next man's number Patty asked for gave a far less constipated reaction. She called him the next morning, and they shared a flirtatious phone call that ended in him asking her on a date. He took her to a cute diner, tucked away somewhere outside of town; They only shared a piece of blueberry pie, and he talked about himself the entire night. Patty didn't mind, she even liked it. At the end of the date, he walked her to her door, and promised another one. He didn't kiss her, she didn't like that. But give the guy a break, he didn't know anything about her. A few months later, weeks after she finally got that anticlimactic kiss, the man suggests they move in together. Patty agrees, though she knows it's far too soon. Years pass and they eventually marry, but divorce five years and two children into the marriage. Patty, now alone and finding herself too old to flirt, wonders what events lead to where she is. She can't help but wonder if things would've been any different if she called the odd man from the soup kitchen and they actually hit it off.
So, if you lasted through that and made it to the end of this, you deserve a massive gold star. I had fun reading this one and thinking far too into it. I will admit, I was disappointed to not find anything newly written. I, personally, would delight in reading Jakrebs poetry. I hope you find inspiration to create more.
No pressure. |