This is for entrance into the NHS? Okay - I'll comment as though I were an English teacher helping you do your best (that's what I am):
First of all, I think you make excellent points. Overall, it's a well-thought-out essay.
But...
In your introduction, you should state the three ways school prepares you for the future: 1. getting work done on time & test-taking, 2. being involved in plays, sports, clubs, 3. working & playing alongside people of diverse backgrounds.
You've already expanded each one adequately.
Your conclusion is also really good.
So...
You really only need to improve your introductory sentence.
I like this. It has a lilting, poetic feel to it. I think you should work on its visual aspect. I know poetry doesn't have to "look" like poetry, but I think this one would be easier to read it the lines were shorter and looked more "poem-y." Overall, wonderful!
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