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326
Review of Aces over eights  
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Rated: E | (4.0)
I got a bit confused. When you said their guns were checked, I thought they had to turn them in, but when I got to the end I was wondering, did it mean they checked to make sure they were loaded and ready for action?

You did great in introducing each character one by one, giving us a peek into their workings and personalities. I was wondering, with the 'glasses dark'...did they have sunglasses back then? I have no idea.

I like the 'money hits the felt' but did they have that on tables then? I only have tv to go by and in the old westerns they always played on wooden tables.

you got my brain working on this poem, lol Hickok's last stand. Now I'm wracking my brain, he died in a card game? Thanks for the poem and the history lesson. Thanks for sharing.
love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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327
327
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
You have a typo in the second verse, crumbed instead of crumbled. We get so involved in what we are writing that those things happen. I just thought you might want to know.

This is a tender and reverent tribute to those who rushed to save and then were lost as well. It touches the heart.
Thank you so much for sharing this with us.
love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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328
328
Review of Honor Bound  
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Rated: E | (5.0)
I love the picture you chose to put with your poem. Nicely chosen.

You did well in fitting in the assigned words for the contest.

Your first sentence is great, sets a calm ,sepulcher tone.

I love the way you did wrap around sentences and still maintained the integrity of the poem and rhymes.

In your seventh verse you put in a nugget of pure gold. Will they ever learn?

I wear the ring of the Women's Army Corps and served in the Washington national guard. I joined to help not kill.

Your ending is strong and thought provoking.

I highly suggest that 5 months from now you submit this poem for publication in a magazine, or even tell them you've multiply submitted it. I bet it would sell easily. There are several memorial holidays, multiple chances if you care to try.
love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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329
329
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Up to the very end I kept thinking 'Simple Simon met a pie man'. I kept wondering what in the world could a pie man do to a child. I thought the child got hit in the face with a pie, but you mentioned the bandages etc.

I was put off by not naming the bell sooner. Since we had no clue it was a mouse I think saying it was a bell wouldn't hurt. You didn't give the plot away about trying to put it on the cat, or even that it was a cat.

I thought dad was extra harsh when everyone forgave the boy but dad. You'd think family would love him more and forgive but that is just my opinion. take it or leave it.

You did a good job in hiding the ending and it was revealed quite nicely. Poor mouse.
Thanks for sharing this with us.

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330
330
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Rated: E | (4.0)
This was a delightful little story. It drew me in and was entertaining.
You gave good imagery at the beginning to set the scene and later at the tree.

In your third paragraph you switched tenses concerning the dog Sheppey.

In paragraph four I think you could improve it with more 'show not tell'. Even a little bit of vocabulary about why dad put him in the truck and dad explaining. You put in about the dog heaven and it easily could have been in quote marks.

I got a bit confused about the bags of food. It seems mom and dad would notice if they had bags of food on their laps. Sneaking it after dishes were done sounds more plausible. You said the kids ate half of it. However you also said they ate seconds while at the table. That might be clarified otherwise I'm thinking they're being greedy and eating the food for the starving family.

I do like the explanation about his limited wishes, but how does he feed his family otherwise? He'd use his 100 wishes up just providing meals in the first month and a half.

I did like your endings, but the second one made me smile. It was a good surprise ending with them each mentally picturing their own wish. lol

Thanks so much for sharing this with us.
love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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331
331
Review of Weathered Stone  
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Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a lovely piece, but I was wondering why the first part is so long and the others so short. Is there a reason you have such a discrepancy in verse sizes?

When I read it, I may have paused in places you did not mark. I wasn't sure if you wanted the reader to pause at the end of each line, or at commas and periods.

Your referring to the elements that shaped it and made a good point, showing how we are also shaped by the negative events in our lives, and how ultimately they can make something beautiful.

Nicely done. Thanks for sharing this with us.
love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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332
332
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
At first I thought the beginning paragraph was a bit too long, maybe still. However, it is also a very good introduction to your piece and very apropos. It led in well to what we remember and why. The emotions are everything.

This is a very detailed and powerful piece and I think you did a good job on catching it. Also I liked how you included the first few days after. Your final question does well in getting the reader involved and thinking.

Thanks so much for sharing this with us.
love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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333
333
Review of Shoebox of Memory  
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Rated: E | (4.5)
My review disappeared as I was putting my signatures on. This may be a bigt shorter as it's now 10 pm.

I have photos myself that no one looks at. Kind of sad isn't it. I hope yours are labeled.

I love the flickering table line. Reminds me of the times before electricity went to the attics. It adds age and a certain poignancy to the poem. good for you.

There was a bit of contradiction for me. There was the part about the feather and then you said they were stiff. Tht threw me off a bit.

I'm not sure the shoebox would have the smell of leather still. Mine don't, but it does add to a bit of poetic license. lol

The last two lines were well done, great finish and keeps the tone.
Thanks for sharing this with us.
love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogppot.com

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334
334
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Rated: E | (3.5)
Don't you dare just let this sit. With a little more work it can be a four star piece. I do not want you to settle for a three as you said it was worth. As artists of the written word, it's up to us to want to shine and be our best.

Second paragraph--might want to add how they personally encourage us and offer that emotional ;unch we sometimes need. I have found that most creative people can be a bit insecure. They help deal with that.

parag. 3-helping other(s)
and I'd add "status' at the end . Remember you write for clarity and if someone who is new doesn't know Prefered Members etc one word added to the sentence can clarify.

I hope you remember what I said about the 'kind of'" make it a positive firm sentence.

Make 'MORE' into regular size. Don't fight me on this. I want you to be great! Love yourself like I do and expect more of yourself.

near the end, remember to mention the artwork of others, signatures!

I love the ending. It's not only uplifting, it's inspiring..."and on into tomorrow."

Thanks for sharing this with us. Don't let me or yourself down. Take the time to shine. I would love to give you a '5'.
love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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335
335
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Rated: E | (3.5)
I noticed your first line in each verse is not quite repeated in the second and third lines in the verse. It caught my attention and pulled me out at first, but then I realized it allowed you to get more of the description in. Very cleverly done!

At verse seven you change your format and don't end the first three lines with the same word. That totally brought me out of the poem. Is there a reason for that? That went on for three verses.

As a parent and former teacher, I would consider 'disliked' instead of 'hated' and 'on the bed' rather than 'in the bed'. It makes for less fuss with morals etc. Just a thought.
I read at the bottom you have other poems and writings for children. Has a publishing house picked up your work? I do hope so!

Thanks so much for sharing this with us.
love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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336
336
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Rated: E | (4.0)
I like the 'manners/banners rhyme, lol Lesson/stressin' , nature/neighbor and others. Very good and the wrap around style of rhyming.

I think there could be a comma between--'you sow, you reap'.

The meter was a bit off and syllable count off. It would take only a little work to put in a syllable on the ones that needed two more, or take out one.

Regardless, I find this poem delightful and wonder if you have made it into a children's book and published it? I have two daughters that between them have 10 and half children and could use it. lol
let me know if you do and what publisher, title etc.
love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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337
337
Review of My Little Brother  
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Rated: E | (4.0)
It was a little hard to read the poem in that 'sing songy' way. The meter kept throwing me off. The amount of syllables weren't the same in the verses. HOWEVER... Your rhyming was great and nothing jumped out as very obvious. I appreciate the effort you put out in making it fun.

This was a delightful poem about your little brother, and you really gave a perfect example of two year old behavior. lol Having five children, I really get this poem.
Thanks so much for sharing this with us.

love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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338
338
Review of Wise Man  
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Rated: E | (4.0)
I enjoyed your poem a lot. lol You kept to your rhyme but a couple of spots threw me on meter. However, you also did great in building the suspense and keeping me, the reader, interested. At first I thought a poem about crossword puzzles would be pretty bland, but not so.

I also do crossword puzzles and I felt you did this very well. I got out my huge Websters tome and your last word was not in it. So....what does it mean, what country is it from?

Thanks for letting us read this.
love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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339
339
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Your last line made me think of the British, if I recall correctly, they have to pull two years, all of the men at least. I think they go in at sixteen when they finish High School.

I think you did a great job in the rhyming and meter. I also was very impressed with how you started at the beginnings of our country and went through the wars in chronological order. That was very impressive as a tribute to those that serve.

Thanks so much for the effort you took to write this, and thanks for sharing this for us.
love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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340
340
Review of Snowflake  
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Rated: E | (4.5)
What a happy and delightful little poem. I was tempted to try and find the rhyme just because I got to the word 'dancing' and for some reason tried to slip into the rhythm of a rhyming poem.

I was puzzled by the 'rainbow refraction' and felt like I should Google 'snowflake' to find out about that part of it. I had never heard that before.

It was a tender ending with the flake landing on his cheek. Made me wonder how old he was.
I did like this poem. Thanks so much for sharing this with us.

Love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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341
341
Review of Messages  
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
What a lovely picture to set the tone. This was an amazing and incredibly powerful poem. I am totally amazed and blown away by the meaning in the poem and the fantastic way in which you put it together.

I love the way you keep to the rhyme but use the wrap around method that so few try, including myself. lol There were no old, pat or predictable rhymes and I love this. I rarely give '5's but this deserves a five if not even higher. I do not often find poems of this caliber.
Thank you so much for sharing this lovely work of art. I'm mentioning it in scroll right now in case someone else is there that loves poetry.
love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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342
342
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Rated: E | (5.0)
The way you have this written, it sounds like it's from a true story. Is it real? If so, was the sanitarium in Bellvue, Kirkland or what?

You're rhyme was consistent and not at all old hat. I am impressed. I also have to admit, that for a dark and gruesome poem, the laughed, and then chuckled. I rarely give 5's.
Thanks for sharing this with us.
love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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343
343
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Rated: E | (4.0)
I have to admit, that from the title, I was expecting a lot more of the bounty and not so much destruction. So many things we should do differently to minimize the damage.

Third verse first three lines. I didn't quite get it. humanity's willing engrossment...lost me on that.

I'm not sure we 'play host' to those rules. Too many of us totally ignore them.

Thanks so much for sharing this. I hope many read this and take the time to learn from it.
Love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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344
344
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Rated: E | (3.5)
'watery stream'-if it's not a stream of water, then maybe a hint of what is streaming?
I'd take out 'and' in the next line, just seems more poetic, but that is my preference, don't want to take your presence out of the poem.

Your last line in the first verse sounds too clinical for rain and flowers. What if you rewrote that line, less words, more hinting in this spot. lol maybe 'quickly growing flowers, fed with life's waters' or something like that. Again just a suggestion.

The second verse with the repetition of the word 'rain' in the context makes it a bit depressing, but then you again get analytical about it. It sets a thoughtful mood.

Third verse, I'd end the first line with a question mark since you ask a question.
Third line-I'd take out 'or that'. 'rain can tell you, what you may learn'.

I do like the last line, very introspective. You seem to fluctuate between analytical and poetic. Try more for the poetic, Reading this makes me understand why you are a mayor. You may even be the type of person that switches from right to left brain. Just something to think about.

Thanks so much for sharing this with us and giving me a peek into your soul.
love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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345
345
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Rated: E | (3.5)
In the box with the poem, is the first line supposed to be the title or actually part of the poem?

You have a great bunch of feelings and attitudes in your poem, but as often happens the meaning is clearer to the author than to the reader.

It would be great if there were a line or hint at what the 'prize' was.
The wading in the water ended with a fishing reference.-that threw me
It starts out so positive and then you say 'scared to death of living'. It makes me wonder what is out there that you're afraid of. Then you ended with upbeat again.

Like I said, a lot of feelings. I think you could go a bit deeper and fill us in more to draw the reader in.
Thanks so much for sharing this with us.
love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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346
346
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Rated: E | (3.0)
You have me very curious as to which town you are the Mayor. lol are you

The Limerick has a pattern of syllables.
8
8
5
5
8

I was sitting here trying to figure out how to help you on this. What if you put it into two verses?

There once was a woman who ran
for mayor so she took a stand
she wanted that chair
and vowed to be fair
so she stuck to her best laid plan

Then you could put the rest of the info in another verse. Just a suggestion that you can take or leave. I have a limerick in my port about writing. My old name fit better in it than the one I changed it to over 30 years ago.

love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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347
347
Review of The Steel Dragon  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I wasn't sure about the form, but I'm not a pro. It didn't fit with what I remembered so I googled it. I have to admit I did not understand all of their explanation.
AB-aAab-AB plus the different formula for other verses. It just didn't match yours. So I will not comment on form since you may be using one different than what was shown on Google.

Verse one was great, rhyming and clear message.

The part about the kids building sand castles threw me. Aren't we reading about a storm? Why would they be out doing that in a storm?
I am guessing the Sea Knight is the coast guard? But why would they wait until the storm was over? The Guard guys I know would have gone right away.

You didn't end all the line starting 'And the Steel Dragon Sank' with the 'crew in all.' I kept adding it in mentally. As I said, I have no idea if it should go there, but it just seemed incomplete with out it.

I like how you put in the Magic Horse and how it was saved. Nice to have an upper spot in the tragedy. I could picture the rudder floating on the sea, good imagery.
Thank you so much for sharing this with us. I love the sea, even great big lakes. lol
love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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348
348
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Rated: E | (4.5)
This is very heart wrenching and I have a lot of empathy for you and your group.
Have you thought about evening out the length of your verses? I realize it's set up in sentences, but I was wondering if the emotion could wrap around the lines? There is nothing wrong with your poem, lol I was just wondering-sort of a challenge.

I enjoyed your poem, even though it was sad. I do understand the grief of loss.
Thank you so much for sharing this tender poem with us.
love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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349
349
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Rated: E | (4.5)
I like your first two lines. In all the decades I've relished the sound, I hadn't thought of a romantic interlude between crickets. lol

The truck getting bogged down sounded so familiar. I had an episode like that only it was a car, and I'm sure it was a lot easier to get out. lol

You stuck to form very well, and I did enjoy the poem. Thanks so much for sharing this walk down memory lane.
love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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350
350
Review of The Knight's Tale  
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Rated: E | (5.0)
I love the first verse, lead in! The picture is so cool.

I was totally sucked in and enveloped in the poem. There were spots I had to read over but they had the right amount of syllables, so no complaint, it had to be me. lol

I loved the ending where he awakens refreshed. I take it that was someone of his descendants? This was really great. I don't often give 5's. Thanks so much for sharing this with us.
love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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