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Rated: E | (4.0)
I like the 'manners/banners rhyme, lol Lesson/stressin' , nature/neighbor and others. Very good and the wrap around style of rhyming.

I think there could be a comma between--'you sow, you reap'.

The meter was a bit off and syllable count off. It would take only a little work to put in a syllable on the ones that needed two more, or take out one.

Regardless, I find this poem delightful and wonder if you have made it into a children's book and published it? I have two daughters that between them have 10 and half children and could use it. lol
let me know if you do and what publisher, title etc.
love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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327
Review of My Little Brother  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.0)
It was a little hard to read the poem in that 'sing songy' way. The meter kept throwing me off. The amount of syllables weren't the same in the verses. HOWEVER... Your rhyming was great and nothing jumped out as very obvious. I appreciate the effort you put out in making it fun.

This was a delightful poem about your little brother, and you really gave a perfect example of two year old behavior. lol Having five children, I really get this poem.
Thanks so much for sharing this with us.

love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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328
328
Review of Wise Man  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.0)
I enjoyed your poem a lot. lol You kept to your rhyme but a couple of spots threw me on meter. However, you also did great in building the suspense and keeping me, the reader, interested. At first I thought a poem about crossword puzzles would be pretty bland, but not so.

I also do crossword puzzles and I felt you did this very well. I got out my huge Websters tome and your last word was not in it. So....what does it mean, what country is it from?

Thanks for letting us read this.
love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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329
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Your last line made me think of the British, if I recall correctly, they have to pull two years, all of the men at least. I think they go in at sixteen when they finish High School.

I think you did a great job in the rhyming and meter. I also was very impressed with how you started at the beginnings of our country and went through the wars in chronological order. That was very impressive as a tribute to those that serve.

Thanks so much for the effort you took to write this, and thanks for sharing this for us.
love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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330
330
Review of Snowflake  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
What a happy and delightful little poem. I was tempted to try and find the rhyme just because I got to the word 'dancing' and for some reason tried to slip into the rhythm of a rhyming poem.

I was puzzled by the 'rainbow refraction' and felt like I should Google 'snowflake' to find out about that part of it. I had never heard that before.

It was a tender ending with the flake landing on his cheek. Made me wonder how old he was.
I did like this poem. Thanks so much for sharing this with us.

Love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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331
331
Review of Messages  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
What a lovely picture to set the tone. This was an amazing and incredibly powerful poem. I am totally amazed and blown away by the meaning in the poem and the fantastic way in which you put it together.

I love the way you keep to the rhyme but use the wrap around method that so few try, including myself. lol There were no old, pat or predictable rhymes and I love this. I rarely give '5's but this deserves a five if not even higher. I do not often find poems of this caliber.
Thank you so much for sharing this lovely work of art. I'm mentioning it in scroll right now in case someone else is there that loves poetry.
love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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332
332
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Rated: E | (5.0)
The way you have this written, it sounds like it's from a true story. Is it real? If so, was the sanitarium in Bellvue, Kirkland or what?

You're rhyme was consistent and not at all old hat. I am impressed. I also have to admit, that for a dark and gruesome poem, the laughed, and then chuckled. I rarely give 5's.
Thanks for sharing this with us.
love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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333
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Rated: E | (4.0)
I have to admit, that from the title, I was expecting a lot more of the bounty and not so much destruction. So many things we should do differently to minimize the damage.

Third verse first three lines. I didn't quite get it. humanity's willing engrossment...lost me on that.

I'm not sure we 'play host' to those rules. Too many of us totally ignore them.

Thanks so much for sharing this. I hope many read this and take the time to learn from it.
Love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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334
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Rated: E | (3.5)
'watery stream'-if it's not a stream of water, then maybe a hint of what is streaming?
I'd take out 'and' in the next line, just seems more poetic, but that is my preference, don't want to take your presence out of the poem.

Your last line in the first verse sounds too clinical for rain and flowers. What if you rewrote that line, less words, more hinting in this spot. lol maybe 'quickly growing flowers, fed with life's waters' or something like that. Again just a suggestion.

The second verse with the repetition of the word 'rain' in the context makes it a bit depressing, but then you again get analytical about it. It sets a thoughtful mood.

Third verse, I'd end the first line with a question mark since you ask a question.
Third line-I'd take out 'or that'. 'rain can tell you, what you may learn'.

I do like the last line, very introspective. You seem to fluctuate between analytical and poetic. Try more for the poetic, Reading this makes me understand why you are a mayor. You may even be the type of person that switches from right to left brain. Just something to think about.

Thanks so much for sharing this with us and giving me a peek into your soul.
love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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335
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Rated: E | (3.5)
In the box with the poem, is the first line supposed to be the title or actually part of the poem?

You have a great bunch of feelings and attitudes in your poem, but as often happens the meaning is clearer to the author than to the reader.

It would be great if there were a line or hint at what the 'prize' was.
The wading in the water ended with a fishing reference.-that threw me
It starts out so positive and then you say 'scared to death of living'. It makes me wonder what is out there that you're afraid of. Then you ended with upbeat again.

Like I said, a lot of feelings. I think you could go a bit deeper and fill us in more to draw the reader in.
Thanks so much for sharing this with us.
love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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336
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Rated: E | (3.0)
You have me very curious as to which town you are the Mayor. lol are you

The Limerick has a pattern of syllables.
8
8
5
5
8

I was sitting here trying to figure out how to help you on this. What if you put it into two verses?

There once was a woman who ran
for mayor so she took a stand
she wanted that chair
and vowed to be fair
so she stuck to her best laid plan

Then you could put the rest of the info in another verse. Just a suggestion that you can take or leave. I have a limerick in my port about writing. My old name fit better in it than the one I changed it to over 30 years ago.

love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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337
337
Review of The Steel Dragon  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
I wasn't sure about the form, but I'm not a pro. It didn't fit with what I remembered so I googled it. I have to admit I did not understand all of their explanation.
AB-aAab-AB plus the different formula for other verses. It just didn't match yours. So I will not comment on form since you may be using one different than what was shown on Google.

Verse one was great, rhyming and clear message.

The part about the kids building sand castles threw me. Aren't we reading about a storm? Why would they be out doing that in a storm?
I am guessing the Sea Knight is the coast guard? But why would they wait until the storm was over? The Guard guys I know would have gone right away.

You didn't end all the line starting 'And the Steel Dragon Sank' with the 'crew in all.' I kept adding it in mentally. As I said, I have no idea if it should go there, but it just seemed incomplete with out it.

I like how you put in the Magic Horse and how it was saved. Nice to have an upper spot in the tragedy. I could picture the rudder floating on the sea, good imagery.
Thank you so much for sharing this with us. I love the sea, even great big lakes. lol
love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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338
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Rated: E | (4.5)
This is very heart wrenching and I have a lot of empathy for you and your group.
Have you thought about evening out the length of your verses? I realize it's set up in sentences, but I was wondering if the emotion could wrap around the lines? There is nothing wrong with your poem, lol I was just wondering-sort of a challenge.

I enjoyed your poem, even though it was sad. I do understand the grief of loss.
Thank you so much for sharing this tender poem with us.
love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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339
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Rated: E | (4.5)
I like your first two lines. In all the decades I've relished the sound, I hadn't thought of a romantic interlude between crickets. lol

The truck getting bogged down sounded so familiar. I had an episode like that only it was a car, and I'm sure it was a lot easier to get out. lol

You stuck to form very well, and I did enjoy the poem. Thanks so much for sharing this walk down memory lane.
love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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340
340
Review of The Knight's Tale  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
I love the first verse, lead in! The picture is so cool.

I was totally sucked in and enveloped in the poem. There were spots I had to read over but they had the right amount of syllables, so no complaint, it had to be me. lol

I loved the ending where he awakens refreshed. I take it that was someone of his descendants? This was really great. I don't often give 5's. Thanks so much for sharing this with us.
love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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341
341
Review of The Seatbelt  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (3.0)
'as they gripped tighter' - could be eliminated since you already told us that. I bet your reader is smart enough to link the two together.

'wipers scrapped'- I think you mean scraped. If you read your work out loud and slowly, you will find these little errors. There are quite a lot of them and I don't have the time to point them all out.

'red dressed hugged'-red dress hugged

'as (she) turned to stare

'just great he thought.' Usually thought is in italics. I put mine starting with an apostrophe 'italics inside where the person is thinking.' then end with another apostrophe. Many do not use the apostrophe but I like it because it helps the reader know it's separated for a reason.

Like I suggested, you may want to go back and check for the little errors. I was confused at the end because you specified she leaned over and was out of her seatbelt. Other than that I think you got the anger and frustration shown very well. I was left wondering if the guy died.
Thanks for sharing this with us.
love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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342
342
Review of Daphne  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Is 'are done differently' a change in tenses from the rest?

Maybe instead of 'telling' so much in paragraphs 2 and 3 you could give a short scene in the office where his behavior shows he's shy.

I like that 'soul refreshing whisper'.

the soft scent of her scent was a nice touch including another sense.

'I wasn't will(ing) to work for'--check for other typos by reading out loud.

He's a scientist? In the beginning you mention the numbers so I thought he was a mathematician. Maybe you could include the science in there at the beginning. Just a hint so we don't get confused and have to back track to check if we read it correctly. The 'young scholar' left me wondering if he was a math student.

I would suggest you start the last line with 'however' since you aren't connecting the two sentences.

This was a nice little story. I would have liked more showing less 'telling' in dialogue maybe.
Thank you so much for sharing this with us.
love, LinnAnn
http:linnannpike.blogspot.com

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343
343
Review of Taj Mahal  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
You really met the challenge on this poem and the Taj Mahal.

I'm not sure if this is a different form of poetry I'm not familiar with or what, so if my comments don't make any sense, I'm sorry. lol

Your rhythm, syllable count and cadence were fairly okay until the third verse. Then you started to drop one or two syllables in your first lines. Other lines also had this problem. It made it hard to find the cadence and threw me out of the poem, losing the food.

It is a lovely poem and has such tender emotions. Thank you for sharing this with us!
love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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344
344
Review of Your Last Chance  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (3.5)
This information would make a great story if put in that format. The format you have now makes it a bit distant and not as easy to 'feel'. I would take out the underlining, it detracts from what you are trying to say and the emotion I think would be wonderful if you let it out.

If you put this in story form, think how touching and wonderful it would be, to hear the dialogue, to have scenery described, sounds heard. The reader could get to know your wife and you as real people. If the argument were heard and felt and the first seizure not just told 'she had a seizure' but put your readers there at the scene, feeling the fear or panic.

If you ever decide to rewrite this as a story I'd love to read it.
love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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345
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Review of Love Runs, Right?  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.0)
I hate to start off negative, but the words in pink are very hard to read for me. Maybe a darker pink might work better? Just a thought. I do realize the colored words are the song, I'm not sure why there are also bold black and red colors.

This poem is so sad and heart breaking. I love the way you think it all through in the poem, and at the end come to the right conclusion. You show the beginning naiveté of a young person and end up with wisdom and foresight Good going.

Thanks so much for sharing this with us.
love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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Review of Back in Your Arms  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (3.5)
You did a good job of telling this story in free verse style. You did well to put in in chronological order and I was able to follow it easily. I'm so grateful for no flashbacks. lol

I felt the last line was a bit passé. It's been used a lot. However...The second to last line would make a great ending, with a very romantic, hopeful mental picture.

You did a great job in describing the emotional pain of the separation. The comment about the trees growing helped to reinforce the 'long time' the person was gone. Good!

Thanks so much for sharing this with us.
love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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Review of On Cemetery Hill  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Although we differ on how to talk to our dearly departed loved ones, you gave a great image and feeling of tenderness. The picture above your poem makes me think of a national monument.

I just talk to my family that have passed on, where ever I am. Otherwise I'd have to go out on the ocean for my dad, and other states or countries. lol I like to think instead of just their bodies underground, that their spirits stick around me, keeping an eye on me.

You draw the reader in right away. You give good imagery and tenderness when you mention talking to your family, filling them in on news and all. You rhyming was spot on.

It was very tender. I think I just repeated myself, but it's true.
Thank you very much for sharing this with us.
love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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Review of Incredible you  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.0)
I loved that it started with a wide brimmed hat. very image inspiring.

And from that magic first moment--it seems it's awkward. I said it over and still off, so I counted the syllables and if you took off either 'magic' or 'first' it would fit better. first is implied and magic is more descriptive to your piece, I'd keep 'magic'.

I really liked the 'friends' if more marriages started out that way....
The ending was sweet and tender. I liked it.
Thanks so much for sharing this with us.
love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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Review of Inception  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.0)
My whole review just disappeared. I read the poem twice and wanted to really get it. Often the reader's impression is from the head and heart of the reader, and we have to work at getting in the head of the writer. I do not remember what a Sprite is. lol

I liked the -stardust sprinkled-, and 'flavored midnight'.

The ending is also a nice tie up.

Thanks so much for sharing this with us.
love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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Review of Enjoyment  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.0)
I think your lines could be fixed up so they are more uniform.

If you didn't have the 'Mary Jane' packages there this wouldn't be as confusing. lol

It sounds like you are remembering a sweet and tender love of a PERSON, but then I kept seeing the packages there and wondering if you were writing about those instead. lol I have no idea if you are or aren't.

It was tenderly done, but those packages just kept me wondering.
Thanks for sharing this with us.
love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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