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Review of Love's Adventure  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Everytime I'm almost finished with your review, the page disappeares.
This will be shorter than the original two but I hope it helps.

There are little mistakes you can find when you read your piece out loud, slowly. Then the missing 's' or the little word, 'is' I think, you will find them.

Your scripture reference referes to things working for your good. But the sentence following doesn't seem to fit with it. The song lyrics are also good, but again I don't see how they fit with the premise, either premise you have put out. You may need to rework that so it is clearer.

When you introduce the topic of receiving your call to minister, it seems again like a new topic that doesn't fit with the rest. I'm so sorry you did not have more supportive friends. Reminds me of Job. Just remember that we are human, we will be tested. We will not pass all of them, but we just need to repent and keep trying.

You introduce the 'where is love' premise and again not connected to the rest of the piece. However I think your last paragraph was the best. I think that if you rework this you can get a much better flow and tie in.

The original verse works with your call. Somehow, I am sure, this can be put together in a smoother way. I do hope you try. If you do and want me to review it again, let me know.
Love, LinnAnn

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Review of Born again  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.0)
'before we can appreciate'--actually we don't need the back story to appreciate the new baby.

looking like he might he might cry any minute. --little goof, take out one 'he might'

Anna was not so sure about that!? --I know we use double punctuation in blogs and
chat, but not in serious writing. know, it can be boring.

You gloss over that she is looking forward to having a third child. You threw it in with out a lead in to another topic. How does it fit? Is it needed?

You need a transition sentence from present day birth flying back to Nicodemus.

official was leery the born again invitation from Jesus--leery about, leery concerning?

You jump from invitation to hospitals. This section needs work on the transitions.

In Nicodemus was incredulous --Did you start one thought and switch? That sentence needs reworking

I don't think he wondered how he got out of the womb, he's a grown man, probably saw animals birthing. He didn't ask if he had to do it again, not exactly, he asked how, big difference in 'if' and 'how'

I like the coming out of darkness to the spiritual light. I'm not sure I'd use 'sprung out
' as it sounds like he was jumping out at Jesus. This part could come earlier as you introduce Nicodemus.

Nicodemus didn't recall how he got to Jesus. It was Jesus and John who told the story.

He was in the world's womb with Jesus as the midwife.--I love this part! It's a great analogy!

to be born from above. --That could be confusing. No birthing shoot from Heaven and they got confused easily back then. He was the knowledgeable one after all. He was a spiritual leader in the community.

One did not expect it to be any easier than it was in the first place--Again you may want to expand as Nicodemus may not have thought this as he was confused and didn't know what to think.

explosion of champagne. --this doesn't fit. stick with the water analogies.

There is nothing more joyous than seeing how the miracle of birth that takes place with and infant, gets ready to embrace a world waiting be born again. --extra letter typo in there, an/and. It's a big jump from infant to old enough to read and understand scriptures. I think this could be a great final sentence but needs a bit of reworking tying in the real birth to the spiritual.

Maybe you can tie in to the Jesus as midwife, or use it in some way as the end. I love that sentence. thanks for sharing this with us.
love, LinnAnn
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303
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
what a sad, yet endlessly true tale. So many of our service people are risking their lives and their sweethearts and spouses fool around on them. Even though it's a sad poem, you did it well.

I like the way you show the progression of time and events, yet maintain the continuity with the repetitive last line.

Second verse showing the danger, but it seems he/she couldn't empathize for even the danger of death. I have a son in law that is serving, and I served, saw unfaithfulness all the time.

Fourth verse says it all right there. You did a good job showing the stages. Thanks for sharing.
love, LinnAnn

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304
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a very interesting poem. I think many could read this and learn something, if they are able. I hope it gets lots of reads because it can give people something to think about.

I noticed it rhymed in some areas and not in others. I was not sure if this was intentional or some form I didn't remember.

I liked that you included many forms of beauty from nature, physical beauty, literature and more. Very deep indeed!
Thanks so much for sharing this with us.
love, LinnAnn

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Review of Summer  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
You must live somewhere better than I do. lol
Having lived in warmer climates, I do understand it when Summer demands to be noticed. When the night is so hot you lay spread eagle with the fan blowing on you and it's not enough.

I like the 'wears out her welcome.' You use minimal words, yet you evoke memories and images of desert summers. I like your 'slams the door' and understand about missing her in October. lol

It's amazing how we miss what we had and lost so recently

Nicely done. You did great in bringing alive those memories.
Thanks for sharing.
love, LinnAnn

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Review of Wishes  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
All during the first part of the poem I was wondering where you live. lol Because when I wake up in the morning, it's usually foggy still. During the night the fog rolls in from the sea and hangs around.

You did such a great job of helping me to feel the joy of the whole first part of your poem. Then when you mention the pain, it made me wonder what pain was hurting you.

Thanks for sharing this with us. I really enjoyed it.
love, LinnAnn

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307
307
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
In your first verse I was touched by the tenderness. I thought of a funeral service and the stories people tell about the one that has passed on before.

Then I got totally lost in the second verse--revolting emotions?? You went from love to near hate and cutting several hearts. I don't see how revolting and cutting turns into love. Like I said, totally lost.

Then third verse is again full of love and hope. Good memories are something to be grateful for!

Even though I didn't get all of it, it was an interesting read. Thanks for sharing this with us.
love, LinnAnn

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308
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This poem was so sad and full of hopelessness. It made me sad. I do not make resolutions on Jan 1st. I made goals during the year as I need to. Benjamin Franklin said it takes 21 days to make a habit. Focus on one thing to change at a time and for one month, then try to keep up with it.

Your poem was done well and you incorporated the given words very well. You did not just throw them in, you made them count! Good for you.

I'm so sorry you found no way to incorporate any hope. However, I'm glad you shared this with us.
love, LinnAnn

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Review of Dear Me  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
It didn't knock my socks off, but it was good. I liked the intro, pulling us in with a date and the experiment- self fulfilling prophecy. Good way to start and set the tone for the rest of the year.

The next paragraph was a bit vague in how you grew or what made you grow. If there is a word limit, then I'd shorten it and go deeper. If you have more word count to play with, then just go deeper so we are drawn in about how you failed, what you learned.

Go for it.
love, LinnAnn

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310
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is so understandably sad. I have also faced loss, but I've never been alone. I talk to mom and dad anyway. I figure they are near.

You drew me in and held my attention and that is good, especially when it's about grief

Your rhyming was right on and the pattern was also good all the way through.

I appreciate your putting the pattern there for me to refer to.
Thanks for sharing this with us.

love, LinnAnn

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Review of Advent  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I love how you made each verse fit into a Christmas tree pattern Good for you! lol

I found this poem to be very interesting and thought provoking. The fact that it is thought provoking is very good. I think poetry should make us not only feel but think. Thanks for that.

I was wondering why you had two verses, three and four, with so many of the same words? Did you try to find the same meanings with different words? I didn't see that in any of the other verses so was just wondering. Space-room, love-adoration etc. Just a thought.
Thanks so much for sharing this with us.

love, LinnAnn
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312
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
I read this all the way through, then when I got to the end, I almost didn't review it. SPLATTERED??? But decided it wasn't fair to you just because I didn't like the ending. sigh Okay, back to the beginning.

I have to know, why the extra words hanging out there? Was that the traveler falling and splatting? All that embracing fingers and sunshine and he/she goes splat?

Should there be a comma before 'but'?

Okay, you got and held my interest, even up to the splat. You have an interesting design. But I still don't like the splat. lol
Thanks for sharing.
love, LinnAnn

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Review of My Everything  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
What a lovely and sentimental tribute to someone you love. I can't imagine the amount of time you spent in writing this and coming up with just the right way to rhyme it.

You use all of the senses in describing your love for her, and that is amazing.

Face that I hold, and secrets I've told- I think are my most favorite parts.
Thanks for sharing this with us.
love, LinnAnn

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Review of July 1863  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This was nicely done! You set the mood right in the first line and held my attention, until you got to 'truck through the muddy' Trek would be more appropriate and better suited to the time period you are writing about. I only heard of 'truckn' in the 60's and early 70's. Just a thought, take it or leave it.

I love the 'marshmallow clouds' and your turning them to rainclouds. Nicely done! Great imagery. The same with 'chocolate torrents'. I can mentally picture the roiling water surging and pulling up all the mud.

Thanks so much for sharing this with us.

Love, LinnAnn
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Review of Ophelia  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem knocked my socks off. I rarely give '5's but his was wonderful. The flow and timbre of it, while telling the story. No pat rhyming, just wonderful flow and wordsmithing.

I do not recall the story well enough to know what some of this means and I usually have it on the bookshelf next to my bed. I'll have to hunt for it. Such tenderness and insight.

The last three lines were so deep and on the surface seemed hopeful, but ominous when you think about it. Very nicely put. I love this poem.

Thanks for sharing it with us.
love, LinnAnn

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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.0)
My first reaction was 'Oh dear.' When you post, down at the bottom of the screen there is a place to click, 'keep format' or something like that. click on that, then your paragraphs will stay separate from each other and make it easier to read.

Use your spell check if you don't have it, get a flash drive, copy your piece and then put it in the computer at your library, hopefully they have one. Then you can check for the misspells. Aphany, did you mean epiphany?

I bet you ever remember the exact --(even)

There are many mistakes and I think if you read it slowly you will find the typos and misspelled words. household instead of house hold. Things like that.

'But most the moms' -Bust most of the moms--little errors detract the reader and you lose your audiences attention to the message you want to get across.

If that isn't -my spellcheck puts the apostrophe in, yours did not.

Check for the little mistakes the apostrophes and all.

You have a nice piece-I like your premise- cleaning it up will make it so much better. If you do and you want me to re read it and rate it again I can do that for you. Hang in there.

We all learn and grow. I'm a much better writer than I was three years ago. I still need people to read and catch errors in my work.

Keep going!
love, LinnAnn
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Review of Journey  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I've never heard of a 'Cameo' poem. Is the line count information just for this poem or is it for all 'Cameo' poems?

It is a very true poem, full of wisdom for those who read it and actually pay attention. lol

Because in the middle you have 'day by day' and at the end 'each day' it felt like maybe it should either be exact copy, 'day by day' . Just my opinion but it just seems like it would be better for consistency.

Thanks so much for sharing that tiny gem of wisdom.
love, LinnAnn

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318
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Every man can be a prince charming. Not all beautiful women are princesses. I read your Cinderella and compare her to the one in the Disney movie and either your man has such low self esteem she seems snooty, or she could be snooty.

I have very mixed feelings about this poem. My feelings are that he is pining after the wrong person, but then he turns to booze and I feel sad that instead of learning to like himself, he 'drowns his sorrows'.

There are other fair maidens in the town. He just needs to like himself and someone will notice.

Thanks for sharing this with us. It was definitely thought provoking.
Love, LinnAnn

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Review of A Realistic Fear  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
If this is based on fact, you have my sympathies. I dated a firefighter and we never discussed about how he felt. There were times he came home and I knew someone had died from the smell on him.

You draw your reader in and you use a choice of words that at first I thought could mean to victims you had to choose between, then with the hesitancy make it clear who you have to chose. The heartache to live with that choice, the bravery to have the guts to make it.

I don't know if the style of design is pertinent but it was interesting.
Thanks for sharing this with us.
love, LinnAnn

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320
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
This is so touching and sad. That makes me hesitant to review because I do not want to intrude on those very tender and personal moments. So do take my suggestions as wanting to help honor your mother.

You start with your mother IS and end with she WAS. I'm not sure if that is what you wanted. It shows the passing of time from the first verse to the last going into the 'was'.

'Every colorful island' confused me. Did you mean Very colorful?

Living near the Pacific, and having grown corn, I got confused on the colors you mention. I can see a 'sea of green' in my head, but

'green the revives the soul'-did you mean 'green that revives'?

You left me wondering, (not a bad thing) about how you are carrying her colors onward. does that mean you are also a farmer?

What a lovely and detailed tribute to your mother. Thank you so much for sharing this with us.

love, LinnAnn
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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I could totally picture this happening stage by stage. I have a dear friend that had to go through the same thing. Her husband is a doctor, and in one sense you would think that would be a comfort. The poor husband suffered along with his wife. Knowing his skills could not help her.

You drew me in and I felt the fear and the tension. I would also use humor to deal with it. I am so glad your aunt Pat survived.

You are a dear to honor her in this way. Good for you. Thanks for sharing this with us.
love, LinnAnn
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Review of A SAILOR'S WISH  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I loved this poem. It made me think of my dad. In searching his genealogy I learned he went to sea at age 16. He was in Merchant Marines too.

We lived on his fishing boat at one time. When we became land lubbers, it took me the longest time to go to sleep at night without the rocking of the boat on the tide, and the squeaking of the tires against the dock.

I was pulled in and held by your word craft. Thank you so much for sharing this and bringing back those precious memories. My Dad was sprinkled on the pacific ocean. I do hope your heirs honor your wish when your time comes.

Love, LinnAnn
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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I had such a great review and then it just disappeared! I'm sorry this one won't be as detailed as I am weary now.

You did a great job in covering the total aspect of soldering, the bought and paid, the volunteer and yes, even the enslaved solder. There is unfortunately a long, long history of war on this planet.

The tempered soul hardened by pain, but then there are those whose hearts grow compassionate and tender by the same.

Your last four lines were sad. Not at birth, but at too tender of an age is integrity lost.

You are right a mans honor is not of value much these days, only his bank account, net worth.

I disagree about the mettle being tested. I think it's just tested in so many other ways. We risk losing our souls not just our lives.

I am very impressed with your work, even if I dis agree with the very end. lol

As for being lambs to fall...Christ was a lamb but he was not bested. I have endured much in this life, but I am also not bested. A warriors heart have I , wrapped in tenderness.

Thanks so much for sharing this with us.
love, LinnAnn

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324
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
This is incredibly powerful and sad. When I was in the army national guard, women were not in battle then. You show a remorse that I never attributed to the leaders we had. Ours seemed more interested in creature comforts than in honestly caring for the troops.

You show the truth about war, the thinking behind the decisions. You keep the form well and I'm impressed. Form and beauty. Nice job.
Thanks for sharing this with us.

love, LinnAnn
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325
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
you used a word twice, -night night- but I don't get the reason for that. Then saw on scroll Crys used that, so I think she got it.

Gasping cries made me think of rape, keeping husband asleep so he isn't harmed I could see, but then you say husband would take it out on her and kill her, I was confused.

Then I realized he was the monster and that was a sad and grizzly poem.

Is this the one that got a low review? Can't comprehend that. It drew me in a vice like grip and held me thru the last line.
thanks for sharing.
love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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