A very well-crime-written scene. I remembered when I did a workshop How to write a believable crime scene, there was a detective who explained the most important thing. He said the coroner focuses on the case of death, not on the fact that it happened. The writer's task in such a scene is to try to establish who, what, when, where and by what means. First the responders have arrived before the investigators so the chaos of the scene will have dissipated somewhat. I should say you made it brilliant. You depicted very tough and tight the situation without too many unpleasant details and you kept the focus on the main characters. You know better that the best crime stories are not about how cops work on cases, but they're about how cases work on cops. The dialogue is efficient (with a sense of humour ) and moves the story along. Besides, I start feeling the characters' relationship.
I go ahead :)
Hi, there :)
I found it as a very emotional and a touchable piece of work. You've popped up in the main character''s mind, which looks as a deep and dark chasm. I immersed in her anguish world and felt her pain. Desperation. Agony. Grief. Hopeless. The wide range of inner conflicts makes her a deep character and definitely I want to follow her battle with the others and herself. It's always interesting to observe the feeling of the total desperation. It seems to me, you know better the whole process of loss yourself and that's why everything inside sounds real and intense.
Well done!
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