Very well done Bob, I honestly have very little criticism for you. You have fleshed out the beginnings of a very well imagined story. Not quite reality, not quite Star Wars, and not quite The Matrix! I believe firmly Bob that were you to see this project through and get it published you would have a hot commodity on your hands. Assuming the story maintains the potency I've tasted here. Only thing I would mention is I would like to see more dialogue, It reads like a long narrative at first , however I attribute this to your setting the stage.Again very well done, it's story's blended in reality and fiction like this that really seduce the reader . In a way to make them forget that they are reading a fictional setting. Phenomenal work in progress Bob, I'm eager for more! Write On!
A dreamy vison of clouds, and shapes and memories. Lovely.
Your poem put me at ease, I felt relaxed. Like I was gazing at the sky with you, I could feel that grass underneath me. I was never fond of the ABAB rhyme scheme, but to each thier own.
Good job! Write on!
M. Belmont
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