I liked it very much. I have much the same experience with things from the past holding special memories. I guess that is the reason for the word memento.
The significance of the day of its arrival was interesting. All the things you remember about it. Did the children ever practice? Did you mother continue to play all those years?
I don't see any glaring errors. I think maybe you cold refine it a little bit and elaborate some more. The sentence about which room it was delivered to is a bit run on.
I like your memory. I write on similar subject matter.
'Your laugh, your smile -- I get so lost in your stare.'
'Just a glimmer of light to signal that you care.'
'As I walk this earth completely lost in dream,
I can't contain myself. I really want to scream
Will there be a way to maybe see this through?
It's not a single train, it's everything that's you.
Time's hands are moving. They're quickly passing by.
Nothing constructed today is meant to last.
Ten years seems like forever
As I waslk this earth completely lost in dream,
I can't contain myself I really want to scream.
Will there be a way to maybe see this through?
It's not a single trait, it's everything, it's you.
I really enjoyed your poem.
Do you mean to infer that you see this person on a public transit or something...don't really know them? That is what I got.
I find the short introductory feeling story catchy and interesting. It seems like the start of a longer piece. I think the dialogue is a little stilted, although I am not very experienced in the art of writing dialogue that is natural.
I liked it overall. Very well done.
I loved the element of surprise at the ending. I was curious about the mention of the narrator's wheelchair and felt it would be elaborated on. I believe that the tense of the verb give is wrong in the sentence "The endless fear and long nights that jungle fighting with the enemy must have gave him, comes rushing into my mind." It should be given.
I really enjoyed your writing and look forward to more!
Please give some further indication of what the boy is doing in the wheelchair.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.11 seconds at 6:59pm on Nov 24, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
