A courageous and inspirational poem about how one sees the world and especially when one thinks that hope has gone in one's life.
If I may suggest, that you make each paragraph about 4 lines and it will run smoother and this way the flow will also be visible in one's mind when one reads the poem.
This is a great start for your poem. It may be that you have decided not to put much rhyme rto this poem and that's fine. I do think that it would do very nicely as a rhyme and more flow.
I do find that this poem jumps a bit and again keeping topics in one paragraph would be good.
This is a poem that depicts how the poet has endured pain through life. An expression of darkness that reigns during the younger years.
I have found that poetry is a wonderful expression that can heal the body and soul. You have done a wonderful job of this as I can also relate to the turmoil in one's life.
The poem is great. Your flow and rhyme keeps the reader wanting to finish the poem.
I really enjoyed this poem. I have never had told to me about the rain in this fashion. It holds my interest in reading your version of the rain falling.
A quick note:
It heals the wound 'pon its dry lips.
This word is not in the dictionary I would suggest "upon"
Another quick note:
I dying on the cold, hard ground.
I think what you are trying to say is:
I died on the cold, hard ground
A wonderful flowing and rhyming poem. The simplicity depicts the title with good structure. There are no typing errors or additional puntuation needed.
A very good read. I would like to wish you good luck in the poetry contest. Your poem is excellent in my book.
This poem speaks of inner struggle with oneself and the expression in this poem is a balance of emotions.
A wonderful expressive and inspirational poem.
One quick note:
Noone to speak too, noone to call your own?
There are two typing errors (see suggestion below):
No one to speak too, no one to call your own?
This is such a wonderful and inspiring poem. A little sad but the way your come across is that maybe it's time to move on. Sometimes we can't hold on to things and we have to let go.
A loved the title "Reach". That is why I clicked on your poem. The title just stood out for me.
This is a good start to a story. I think you will need to revise this story abit. Mostly for the punctuation. I have given you some samples below.
Overall it has good imagination and makes a good story.
Just a quick note:
Yes!"I replied sounding a little to excited.
It should read "too excited".
Just a quick note:
It felt weird to think of each other with anyone else,we thought we were meant to be,everyone did.If someone bothered me they would be sorry and if anyone bothered him I was always there.
It could read like this:
It felt weird to think of each other with anyone else. We believed we were meant to be together, as everyone else thought. We were watching out for each other when problems arose.
Just a quick note:
On June,14,2005 I went to his 12th birthday party,no one could shut up about how good we looked together and that we were going to grow up and get married,we just sat there and thought "that would be us."
Maybe like this:
On June 14, 2005 I went to his 12th birthday party and no one could stop talking about how good we looked together. We were going to grow up and get married and sat quietly and thought "that would be us."
I found your poem was well versed and punctuation was also done well. Overall, this is a great poem. Only a few notes below.
Just A Quick Note:
What is that so special about the night,
I think what you meant to say was:
What is it, that's so special about the night, OR,
What is so special about the night,
The second stanza when I read these 2 lines it does not make sense to me:
And may help to lay,
All your bad thoughts away
The word lay: help to lay all your bad thoughts. Maybe you can use another word other than lay.
I like the concept of your poem but I found it did not talk to me. In other words, myself being the reader found that it did not have the essence of expression. I think you can do wonders with this poem. Maybe re-word it and create two lines into one.
Overall the concept of the poem is great. This is only my opinion.
This forum has been very supportive to me and my poetry. The reviews given as honest and constructive. I would recommend this forum to new and current poets to visit and make themselves comfortable.
I learned a lot from this forum, and also by reading the posts and comments. Great job Ratatosk.
A wonderful poem about a mother and child and how wonderful their relationship is.
I like the rhyme and the flow of this poem and your expression of your relationship with your mother. Your mother must be very product of you when she read this poem.
Lady_lily
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