I like this poem, especially with the concept of water, since water is my favorite element. However, how does this story fit into a "religious" genre? There is no mention of a God or Deity or any hints leading to something related. I understand it is about reaching goals, perhaps you should move it to the action/adventure or other genre. Other than that, great poem and word choice.
This poem makes me wonder about you, whether or not you're old or if you are writing this based off of someone else's words or memories. Just a random thought I had. Whatever the case, it sounds like you really know what you are dealing with and talking about. I like your word choice for this poem, to me I have a low level vocabulary so this was pretty easy to understand.
This story I can really relate to. I like the emotion that is flowing in it, though I do believe some better choice of words could have been used. For example, when you say "Where the family, where the happiness, where the holidays," the words don't seem to flow. You should add the word "the" in there or say it a different way that will complete the sentence. At some part in the poem I felt envy because when I feel lonely, I envy other people that are happy and I do want people to pity me. But you showed that you are strong and that you do not need others to pity you, which says a lot about yourself. I think it is a good poem and you should continue to write your emotions.
It's an OK story, however just not my type of thing. The plot seems a little vague. Children that get taught how to kill people just doesn't seem to strike me as interesting.
Great story. I wish it could have had more details such as signs of where johnny and becky had possible gone or more details about how the rooms worked. Other than that it was an awesome read.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/ladybonezz
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 6:45am on Nov 08, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "