There is sometimes a certain catharsis that comes from writing. I'll be upfront. I'm not a poet, nor have I ever really gotten into poetry. I know this was tagged as poetry, and I usually skip right past poetry items. But your opening line pulled me in. I get the sense there is powerful story here. Again I don't know enough about poetry to comment on style and rhythm, but from the standpoint of the beginnings of a short story, there's a certain power here. Usually writing comes from a deeply personal space and if that holds true for you here, then I hope you do continue to explore it in a way that helps you. And I look forward to reading other works from you.
End of the world scenarios are always fun to play with and this was definitely engaging from the beginning. Never ever thought about what submarines would do in that kind of scenario. Thanks for sharing and I can't wait to see where you take it from here.
Davy, I've read through your Quorilax series of stories and you have certainly developed a rich universe of characters and thoughts! To think that our race would be microsapiens, the creativity to develop even the terminology you used throughout this story speaks again to the richness of the universe you've created. I'm not much of a cat person, but Zar totally won me over! As for constructive feedback, the only thing I could offer is to keep it up. I, for one, hope to emulate your style and flair for being so descriptive through character development and dialogue.
Interesting premise regarding forcing 13 year olds to spend time off world. There's something about that which makes it sound like the perfect nucleus for a longer story. Carly - thanks for taking the time to write this piece. I'll have to take a look at the rest of your portfolio as I'm wondering if you wrote a companion piece to this. Your line the "warmth of Saturn" has me very intrigued.
Wow. Well written. Immediate and decisive action coupled with grown up thinking. This phase you mentioned really stood out to me. "Hard decision[s] made by hard men that are moral, defeat evil." I feel like that should be engraved somewhere. Thank you for sharing your perspective and thank you for going through the experiences, coming out the other side, so that we could benefit from that same perspective.
von Wahrenberger, the ending definitely made this qualify as a satire. I found the idea of keeping humans around for their organic matter in a "gene pool" type thing pretty original. Kind of spurs some ideas in my head as well around that. The other part I really enjoyed about your short story was the way you told the story through dialogue (it's something I'm working on getting better at). Rather than telling us what you wanted to know, you showed us through the character dialogue. That's a skill in and of itself, that as I mentioned, I want to grow. Thanks for sharing this. Going to take a look ato see what else is in your portfolio!
Star Toria, full transparency. I'm not a drama, family, romance reader, but I enjoyed your story. The characters of Henry and Ellie were engaging. I want to learn more about them and your writing made me feel invested in them. I would say to not be afraid of more dialogue. It's through the words shared between the characters that I felt I got to know them the most. And the one character I'd like to get to know more is the Queen. Great job all around.
Interesting take on the whole multi-world concept. Having all the worlds exist in the same universe, same solar system is a new take for me that I've never read before. I really like the idea of an entire solar system of Earths in a line encircling a star. What would be interesting as well would be to explore the impact of gravity associated with having so many gravitational bodies close to one another. One suggestion, with Gemma you mention she's hot and narcissistic. Perhaps show some more narcissistic behavior from her. After her rescue, it almost sounds like there's a possibility from some redemption on her part...maybe there's a character arc there.
Nicely done peterelbee. Jamie as a character, starts out as someone for whom it's a bit challenging to have sympathy, but the ending definitely gives a bit of a start. One crazy suggestion, I would offer, and take it with a grain of salt. A story like this might do well with a beginning that startles the reader. Perhaps, start with a tease of the ending and then in the middle continue to build up to the ending you wrote. Lastly, there were a few areas where you could work on the grammar, but in my opinion it wasn't too distracting from the story itself.
In a word, enthralling. Great emotional beat with the loss of Kelly (the human woman). I wish we could have gotten to know/see her do more before her death. I think it would have made her death that much more of a gut punch, but I completely like how and where it ended with her. The fact that Orion named his adopted Zgorbian daughter Kelly was a touching way to bring the story full circle. All around, what an amazing story Davy.
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