Makes me wonder what the last words were? This seems to be about finding your good side because of someone's love for you, so maybe the "last words" refers to the dying words of a loved one? However, I think the line about being loved could be rephrased to be much more powerful and less cliche. Its a very simple poem telling a very subjective, personal account of an event. It could be more powerful if you persuaded/prompted the reader to experience "darkness" and "love" and "fright" and "light," and let them decide what to make of it, instead of telling the reader what you made of an event that is unknown to the audience.
The description peaked my interest and, after reading it, I think the title and description serve the poem quite well. Its a sad, reflective story on a love gone awry and the realization of what caused its demise.
I like the progressive revelation of fault and frustration. It is very clear that this poem's tragedy is deeply personal and deeply cathartic, and for that reason I wouldn't dare to recommend changes.
The only thing that I'd like to add is that the written form of the poem has an aura that is more playful than this lends itself to be, but as a spoken poem, it does its justice with no complaint. My favorite lines are the last line of the third stanza and the very last line.
The description is completely wrong. This is not about being changed by a dramatic experience, its about feeling hopeless, not letting anybody help you, and considering suicide as the only alternative. Though I think it would do you good to experience something incredible that alters your outlook so you can quell your anger and fear and embrace the troubling times of life in recognition that they lead to marvelous victories and renewed strength and more sound wisdom.
Great work maintaing rhythm and rhyme! Very interesting and clever word choices, too. I would revise the 2nd and 3rd to last stanzas. The cliches seem to clash with the rest of the poem. I love the contrast in the first stanza (night and sun) and how it recalls a once bright past. I would change "one is not dirt" to " we are not dirt." Overall the sympathy is expressed through the contrast of the author's life situation, interestingly not through empathy but through a grief caused by a hopeful understanding of the loved one's potential. The emotion comes right off the words and into the reader.
The message is good, but there are a fair number of spelling and grammar mistakes. Also you could clean up some phrasing so it doesn't sound so much like an improvised, run-on thought. I would recommend changing the ending so its not quite so cliche and predictable, but so it gets the meaning across in way as provacatively colorful and spontaneously delightful as a breathtaking sunset. Also, there's no need for the colored font. Let the words paint the beauty instead. If you make these changes, it could be very powerful.
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