Loved it.. and the ending although predictable was funny.
What I liked about the piece
The characters were believable, we have all seen this form of sibling rivalry on one form or another.
Structural Issues
Well written, short, concise, and easy to follow..
Final Thoughts
Letting the imagination take over here, you can almost hear the argument continuing on the other side.... really like this,, I would like to write just as well one day.
This has been a hard one to review. It is only the second one I have done so am still getting into the 'groove' so to speak.
This is a story about a woman of society, wealthy, aristocratic very sure of her place in life. Her young daughter is the one thing in her life which is real, her friendship with Ivan and his cousin Patrick whom she married filled a need to be admired. Despite her wealth and position in society, she loses everything of value.
What I liked about the piece
I liked the layers of the storyline, the setting in the munitions factory a very good illustration of how war can bring all stratas of society together for a common cause.
Structural Issues
Understanding the dialogue was used for pacing the story, for me, it was a little too slow. Got to 'Sir Charles Templeton's estate' and started skimming until got to 'There's a fire!"
Final Thoughts
This is a good story, the portrayal of Marilyn after her daughter's death was very real, the envy/jealousy felt when she realised she had lost Ivan as an admirer to her friend, left the reader wondering how Marilyn was going to continue in the void which had become her life.
There is a feeling of urgency with this story, and it was easy to understand how the characters desperation forced them into making such a risky decision.
The development of the plot intrigued, and the introduction of the characters lead the reader to understand they were of the other world.
The dialogue I felt was a little jumpy. Can't put my finger on why.
The description of the setting was great, making the characters portrayed believable.
Felt the last three paragraphs were very disjointed, as though they were rushed to be finished. The thought does come to mind that perhaps this was the intention.
This has the makings of a really good fantasy. Would be interested to see where it goes.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 6:00pm on Dec 22, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
