Well, interesting piece. Obvious, you are either txt msging over the cell phone or you are on-line via internet. Overall, I think your short story is believable. I think this is how teenagers really do talk to each other.
I also think that your subjects of converstaion are believable. I would say that you have a flavor for writing dialogue...and dialogue is difficult. You approached it well.
I would like to make some small suggestions. Your short story is dotted with grammatical mistakes and errors. Even within the context of your "msging" you have to help your reader understand. Some of your abbreviations are too ambiguous..."LMFAO" "Beyas IM" ect.
While, the content is totally suited for teenagers...is your target audience only teens? Food for thought.
Anyway...keep trying...distance yourself from your piece and then edit and rewrite...this has potential..Good Luck! Good Writing! Peace and blessings! Kjo
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