What gorgeous pictures! I feel so relaxed after looking through them and reading the captions. Very theraputic!
I was delighted by the Oregon ones and was especially pleased to discover pictures from Astoria nestled in among the others. Before I knew where they were taken, I thought, Oh, I miss the sunsets in Astoria! Then I slid my curser over one and found out THAT WAS ASTORIA!
I really, really love your story! I wish there was more of it to read...I hope you are able to finish it someday.
I am needing to go pick up my son from school, so I'm not able to write much in this review. I will try to be back later today or tomorrow to give more of my thoughts (there were only a few little mechanical things I was going to mention). I just wanted you to know how much I enjoyed reading what you have so far.
Great beginning of a story and I just LOVE your title!
This is beautiful. You did capture gypsy-ness with your words. I love the format of your poem, too. It leant to the "free" feeling you created.
My most favorite part:
Soon the tambourine is joined by a drum
and a single, clear voice rises up to the night sky,
intertwining with the rain.
Gorgeous!
The only thing that stood out to me were the words, "charity case". That phrase seems too modern for this piece. ???
Overall, this is a very sweetly written poem! Good Job!
Kind Regards,
Kizzy72
P.S. Welcome to Writing.Com...I hope you grow to love it here as much as I have! Please let me know if I can be of any help while you learn to navigate your way around here.
Oh, MY GOSH! This one had me chuckling all the way through!!! How cute is this one?!?
I love your story. You captured the characters and made them so real. By the end, I felt like I had been there in the woods with them and lived through the experience you painted of "good, clean, harmless fun".
You did an especially wonderful job of giving each character their "voice". Every single word you gave them was perfect.
But my most favorite thing about your story is the HUMOR you layered it with. THIS IS FUNNY!!! You should try to submit this somewhere...if you haven't already. ???
This is so interesting to read! Fabulous job capturing images and tastes...
I especially love your description of the sunset:
..."the sun settling pink and warm into the arms of the trees."
Well, actually that whole first paragraph is awesome, 'cause I love how you wrote about the poem "simmering" in your mind, too.
Then at the end...how you relate the pain from a past relationship to the sting from the juice in your wound...FANTASTIC!
There is only one place that seemed awkward to me.
..."finding a Clementineorange, I begin peeling back..."
I find myself thinking you don't need the word "orange". That it only detracts from the beauty of the words around it. Kind of sucks the specialness and uniqueness out of that line.
That's the only thing I noticed AND it's such a tiny thing.
Overall, this is a LOVELY poem/prose thingy. I totally enjoy your style of writing.
Ohhh...this is nice. Such a peaceful feeling washed over me as I read this. I enjoyed it all, but I especially LOVED: "memories not made", " prayers answered in length" and "friendships that never blossomed". What wonderful ways to word these ideas!
I love this. I love the way you used the scope to show us this vision of yours. Very interesting. My husband is a rifle nut and spends many hours re-loading his brass. He enjoys "sniper" books and movies and I often watch the movies with him. Even though I am not into it as much as he is, I have developed a fascination for snipers and the way they can be so cold. Like you so wonderfully say it..."stones".
You did a fantastic job on this. I am a stay-at-home mommy, (obviously not your target audience.) but you had me glued to your words and your world through this tiny window.
Jean1,
I just love this poem of yours. The title is gorgeous, the words are gorgeous, the sentiment... gorgeous. And oh, so very true.
I love it all, but the first line is my most favorite. "The things that are left unsaid are the things that scream loudest in your head." Oh.
How many things that I wanted to shout out loud in my life, but held in.
And then let fester.
The letting go was such a sweet freedom.
I didn't have to actually say the words, or shout them. I had to acknowledge them and mourn for the words I couldn't say and then let - them - go.
Your poem represents so much about you and your old demons, but it crosses over into, I imagine, so many others' lives, too.
This will touch and help many who read it.
A very tender poem.
Kizzy72
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/kizzy72
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 9:29am on Dec 22, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
Before I knew where they were taken, I thought, Oh, I miss the sunsets in Astoria! Then I slid my curser over one and found out THAT WAS ASTORIA! 
Kind Regards,