Hey there,
Decided to check out what you have written. I found it to be interesting, knowing she has powers and did some unthinkable deed does pull one into the story. However I found myself stuck when I got to the first chapter because of all the descriptive text. I myself as a writer always want to paint images into the readers mind, however, I myself as a reader can only handle so much imagery at a time. My advice is keep hinting at that horrible deed and don't give it away to soon. Also, please do show the environment, just in small manageable (sneaky) doses. You don't want to slow your story down to much so just give it a few...speed bumps. =)
Keep Writing my friend, you have talent for sure.
-Dani
I loved this story it was just adorable. One thing I would say is that I was confused about how he was in the house holding the baby already. You may want to put in like a "next year on that same date" or something in that way of thinking just to clarify. But it was all in all a cute story full of joy. Thank you and keep writing!
OMG I almost fell out of my chair! My eyes burn from laughter...I had to share it with my co worker and she laughed so loud we had to close the office door. I love it...wow...hilarious!
WOW! This was a great read, I can't believe how shallow that poor girl is honestly but I know the truth is that some woman are that way. Keep up the good work. This was truely just a great story.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/kittymammas
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 2:33am on Nov 07, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
