Hello, drifter
You have written beautifully about your horrific experiences. I hope the writing continues to be a catharsis for you. I believe you have the talent to be a very good writer. My only suggestion would be to take some of the punctuation courses available on writing.com to polish it up a bit. Thank you for having the courage to share your story.
Best,
Kirhyanna
Hello, drifter
What a raw and passionate description of a relationship on the rocks! I have long remembered this (paraphrased) quote from an article of many years ago: "Relationships don't end because people stop loving each other. Relationships end because one, or both parties, has stopped loving the life they are leading together."
Thank you for sharing this piece. I hope in writing it, you found some peace.
Hello, Chloe
What a heartfelt story. You really have us deep in Nancy's psyche right from the beginning and using the sense of smell (one of the most powerful memory triggers) is excellent. Nancy is sympathetic and believable. One thing I would suggest is to have her change in a positive way. It's great that she's more hopeful about her romantic future by the end of the story, but unless she also makes some sort of decision to change her behavior in some way, the reader knows that nothing is really going to change for her. For example, perhaps there is someone who has replaced Maxwell in her romantic fantasies by now and instead of retreating to the box she puts it on the shelf, it has served its purpose, and actually talks to the fellow instead.
Just a thought. I really enjoyed the story, though - read it through several times
This is an evocative and poignant poem that encapsulates a universal experience with depth and passion.
I am curious about your use of punctuation. If you have a minute could you explain the seemingly random use of the asterisks and the quotation marks?
Nice job, the piece has put me into a very reflective state of mind!
One last thought for you - are you happy with your life today? If you were indeed able to change anything in your past (and regret always makes us wish we could do so) then you would not be in your current life. Don't make the battle 'endless'.
Wishing you happiness,
I enjoyed reading your play. I found it interesting, colorful with good character definition and the staging that you have described sets the scenes very well. The plot was tight and imaginative.
I two small points of criticism:
I do think that you have too much 'technical' information dump in the first scene with all of the psychology theory . It tends to slow things down and sound a bit like a lecture. (I have a M.Sc. in Psychology and it slowed me down).
I also question the last line - What has prompted a flashback to her hippie days? If Tiffany is starting to influence her (like Sophie thinks she's getting to Anne) then I don't see that result. It's entirely possible I've missed something though.
All in all I enjoyed it and it kept me interested and engaged to the end.
We've all had days like this! Good thoughts and good flow from one idea to the next. The meter could be improved by tightening up the words (I'm no poet but I'll take a stab here at illustrating what I mean):
Good Lord, I'm so stressed
How am I in the awful mess?
So stressed I simply want to scream
To be this stressed must be a dream
I love the first second, fourth and last stanzas but I'm finding the imagery of the third and fifth a bit difficult. Perhaps it's that glance/place jar and perhaps goddess should be possessive? Not sure. I just feel that your work is beautifully evocative and would greatly benefit from a little work on those two stanzas.
Best,
K
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