You have vividly described the scenes, making it all that much easier for me to visualize the story and see it come to life. I loved the fantasy aspect and how it interacted with the "mundane" world. I especially loved the final scene, where Dimune's new world comes to life.
I did notice one spelling error, though. Your first use of the word "fourth" is misspelled.
I really do love this story and will surely read it again! I hope you write more like this soon! :)
I really like this piece. I am a genealogist and family historian, so i am naturally attracted to the topic. I also have native blood, so it adds to the appeal.
I think it's nice that you mentioned his achievements, yet still the hardships that were endured by his people. I also find your choice of line breaking interesting.
Nice work. :)
-BB-
Bastia KindredTeale
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