This is a nice short story. It is very sweet. A story of true love and also the persona is likeable and honest. In that short amount of time reading the story I like your main character, which is obviously a good thing! I'm not sure if you meant to do this but the female comes across as quite mysterious - which i personally like. After all, they do say love is a mystery!
So, overall, it is a nice short story about love and for me, personally, the mystery and blindness surrounding it.
Wow, Troy, this is an EXTREMELY good piece of writing right here, man. What you've written is so true. Very thought provoking. I love how your piece is so full of emotion and purpose.
Everything is spot on but you have a couple of grammatical issues. Like i had to read this section " busy making sure that all do their part that they forget to do their own." a couple times to understand what you meant. Maybe say 'busy making sure that we all do our part that they forget to do their own.' Just that "we" makes it easier to understand, know what i'm saying?
Apart from that, great piece of writing. i'll flick you some GP for it ;)
Have a good one,
kiab
keep it real!
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