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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/kevinhua
Review Requests: OFF
12 Public Reviews Given
12 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I can do either a fairly in-depth review on 4 core aspects (Grammar, Style, Creativity, Content), or I can do a very in-depth analysis line by line of the Grammar, as well as including suggestions and tips/tricks.
Favorite Genres
Comedy, Fantasy, Drama, Sci-Fi, Tragedy, Erotica, Romance/Love
Favorite Item Types
Short Stories, Interactives, Poetry
I will not review...
For the most part, I probably won't give a full scale grammatical analysis of a book since that would be enormously time-consuming.
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Kevin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi PrudhviRaj12,

First, I just want to explain quickly the way in which I make reviews:
**************************************************************************************
{Sect I} - Up to 1 star awarded for grammar and the like.
 * 0    : A ton of grammar issues that distract heavily from the content - unreadable
 * 0.5 : Grammar issues are present, but not overpowering
 * 1    : Almost no grammar issues, or no grammar issues
{Sect II} - Up to 1 star awarded for style.
 * 0    : Very poorly written, nothing that distinguishes this piece
 * 0.5 : The author's style is apparent, but not yet fully developed
 * 1    : Very unique style, or very well developed style of writing
{Sect III} - Up to 1 star awarded for creativity.
 * 0    : Overused concept that is done again and again with no original spin to it
 * 0.5 : Used idea, but with a slightly novel take or twist. Nice idea!
 * 1    : Novel idea or extremely novel twist to used idea. Excellent idea!
{Sect IV} - Up to 2 stars awarded for content/story.
 * 0    : Almost no story/content - everything is disjointed
 * 0.5 : There almost seems to be some content, though still disjointed
 * 1    : Content is clearly present, but missing a lot of elements
 * 1.5 : Content is clearly present, and only a few elements are missing
 * 2    : Content is clearly present, and nothing is essentially missing. Excellent piece!
{Sect V} - Final Thoughts, Advice, Total Scoring.
**************************************************************************************


This is a review of: Birth of Necromancy : Masters' Orgin

*FlagR*Sect I - Grammar *StarfishB* / *StarfishB**StarfishB*

It was necromancy – the black magic.
Suggestion: It was necromancy. Black magic.
Short sentences here would give a higher impact, in my opinion.

Few Some people thought that it was a recent neologism as they never heard it.
Few doesn't work very well in this context. Alternatively, "A few" would work as well.

they became the ne plus ultra in the science of black magic.
I'm not sure what this means.. I would recommend clarifying this point, or rewording it. Do you mean something along the lines of "leading experts"?

You nether the foot of nouveau riche.
Why the intermixing of English and French here?

We nullify your mistakes and negate them.”
Slightly redundant. When you nullify something you are, in essence, negating it.

*FlagR*Sect II - Style *StarfishB**StarfishB* / *StarfishB**StarfishB*

I noticed that you use a TON of words beginning with the letter N. I am sure that this was intentional, and the words are quite often very nice words, but it leaves an odd effect. It feels almost alliterative, but not quite. I also feel like the chosen words don't all fit together very well and makes some parts a tad difficult to read and understand. Honestly, the text minus the N-words seems fairly simple and standard, but the N-words themselves are often niche words that don't see much use, thus can lead to having the effect of confusing readers.

*FlagR*Sect III - Creativity *StarfishB**StarfishB* / *StarfishB**StarfishB*

The text is most definitely quite creative. Is this part of another story you are writing/will be writing? It does have some strength as a stand-alone though regardless.

*FlagR*Sect IV - Content *StarfishB**StarfishB**StarfishB* / *StarfishB**StarfishB**StarfishB**StarfishB*

As I mentioned earlier, the subject is good, but the constant interjection of complex/niche N-words make the content much harder to understand. Many of them are fine of course, but, for example, words like noisome is perhaps overdone. I do think that this was well written - great job! Just a few issues that I think need to be addressed.

*FlagR*Sect V - Final Notes/Thoughts 4/5
Well written, but needs some work. Great job!

Best regards,

Kevin
2
2
Review by Kevin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi James,

First, I just want to explain quickly the way in which I make reviews:
**************************************************************************************
{Sect I} - Up to 1 star awarded for grammar and the like.
 * 0    : A ton of grammar issues that distract heavily from the content - unreadable
 * 0.5 : Grammar issues are present, but not overpowering
 * 1    : Almost no grammar issues, or no grammar issues
{Sect II} - Up to 1 star awarded for style.
 * 0    : Very poorly written, nothing that distinguishes this piece
 * 0.5 : The author's style is apparent, but not yet fully developed
 * 1    : Very unique style, or very well developed style of writing
{Sect III} - Up to 1 star awarded for creativity.
 * 0    : Overused concept that is done again and again with no original spin to it
 * 0.5 : Used idea, but with a slightly novel take or twist. Nice idea!
 * 1    : Novel idea or extremely novel twist to used idea. Excellent idea!
{Sect IV} - Up to 2 stars awarded for content/story.
 * 0    : Almost no story/content - everything is disjointed
 * 0.5 : There almost seems to be some content, though still disjointed
 * 1    : Content is clearly present, but missing a lot of elements
 * 1.5 : Content is clearly present, and only a few elements are missing
 * 2    : Content is clearly present, and nothing is essentially missing. Excellent piece!
{Sect V} - Final Thoughts, Advice, Total Scoring.
**************************************************************************************


This is a review of: Ch 4 - Children of Tegalupa

*FlagR*Sect I - Grammar *StarfishB* / *StarfishB**StarfishB*

The rains are often unpredictable, driven by the constantly changing winds
Missing a comma.

When they do come, they are violent and strong.
Missing a comma.

With no adults in their midst, their fantasy world completely opens up.
Missing a comma.

As they race about, there is one child that stands to the side
Missing a comma.

**NOTE** I notice that very frequently, the format "He [verb].." is used. I would avoid piling too many of these together. It sounds odd and very.. boring. Almost like you're just listing things in monotone.

For as far as the boys can follow, there is an ever expanding ribbon of green.
Missing a comma.

asks a young boy of four?
Why the question mark?

To the right of the children, the sky is populated with fluffy white clo
Missing a comma.

One child waves in trium
Missing a letter.

Whatever the thing might be, it is new and strange
Missing a comma.

In these parts, what is not nailed down often disappears.”
Missing a comma.

*FlagR*Sect II - Style *StarfishB**StarfishB* / *StarfishB**StarfishB*

The writing style takes on a more simplistic style in this chapter that befits the subject matter. A strong air of whimsicality too. There are a few issues I have with it (outlined in the section above under **NOTES** but overall, it does the job quite well. Good job.

*FlagR*Sect III - Creativity *StarfishB**StarfishB* / *StarfishB**StarfishB*

I thought the subject matter was quite creative this time. I enjoyed the novelty of the small, young girl so much older than she seemed. Makes for an interesting twist.

*FlagR*Sect IV - Content *StarfishB**StarfishB**StarfishB**StarfishB* / *StarfishB**StarfishB**StarfishB**StarfishB*

There is much more content this time as opposed to the previous chapter featuring the children. I feel like I know them a lot better now than before. I also see some more foreshadowing going on, though I'll have to read the rest first to see if they actually are brought to fruition. Good job overall! There were some grammar issues (mostly commas), but other than that, a fine addition.

*FlagR*Sect V - Final Notes/Thoughts 4.5/5
Great job! I find it interesting that the chapters about the man on the ship are done from a first-person-type view as opposed to these chapters which seem to be mostly an omniscient POV.

Best regards,

Kevin
3
3
Review by Kevin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi James,

First, I just want to explain quickly the way in which I make reviews:
**************************************************************************************
{Sect I} - Up to 1 star awarded for grammar and the like.
 * 0    : A ton of grammar issues that distract heavily from the content - unreadable
 * 0.5 : Grammar issues are present, but not overpowering
 * 1    : Almost no grammar issues, or no grammar issues
{Sect II} - Up to 1 star awarded for style.
 * 0    : Very poorly written, nothing that distinguishes this piece
 * 0.5 : The author's style is apparent, but not yet fully developed
 * 1    : Very unique style, or very well developed style of writing
{Sect III} - Up to 1 star awarded for creativity.
 * 0    : Overused concept that is done again and again with no original spin to it
 * 0.5 : Used idea, but with a slightly novel take or twist. Nice idea!
 * 1    : Novel idea or extremely novel twist to used idea. Excellent idea!
{Sect IV} - Up to 2 stars awarded for content/story.
 * 0    : Almost no story/content - everything is disjointed
 * 0.5 : There almost seems to be some content, though still disjointed
 * 1    : Content is clearly present, but missing a lot of elements
 * 1.5 : Content is clearly present, and only a few elements are missing
 * 2    : Content is clearly present, and nothing is essentially missing. Excellent piece!
{Sect V} - Final Thoughts, Advice, Total Scoring.
**************************************************************************************


This is a review of: Ch 2 - Children of Tegalupa

*FlagR*Sect I - Grammar -- / *StarfishB**StarfishB*
The grammar section will follow the format:
-------------------------------------------
italicized --> Your words
red-font --> suggestion/fix/change
bolded --> commentary
-------------------------------------------

Black turns to gray, then bleaches under the growing heat of the sun
Missing a comma here. Or alternatively can reword the phrase to not need the comma.

Eventually, new islands will form.
Missing a comma here.

The game is quite slow, but the land seems to be winning.
Missing a comma here.

It is a crooked thing, marking what is and what might be.
Missing comma. Not too sure about this line. Might want to rework this.

Along their grey arms, white flowers bloom in tight bunches.
Missing a comma here.

The red highlights upon their blue wings give praise to life.
Blue wings? Of the white flowers? Or do you mean the hummingbirds? It's very unclear.

Below the trees, the land is in shadow.
Missing a comma.

Within these shadows, there is a path.
Missing a comma.

Cobbles fill the center of the rustic road, allowing horses to gain footing along a basic lin
Missing a comma.

Dark planks of wood fill the sides of the path. The planks manage to keep much of the road from washing away.
Dark planks of wood, which fill the sides of the path, keep much of the road from washing away.
Better to have as a single sentence rather than 2 small broken chunks. Feel free to reword/rephrase it though - just an example/suggestion.

A current of water flows along the edges of the path. It is the receding current of the recent rain.
A slowly receding current, a remnant of the recent storm, trickles along the edges of the path.
Again, better have 1 sentence than 2 redundant ones - always avoid using 'it' when possible. It's a lazy word when much better ones could be used.

The small rivers race down the hill following the curves in the path. The shushing whisper trickles, bubbles, and pops.
The small rivers race down the hill, trickling softly as it hugged the curvy path.
The second phrase was a little odd. Plus, the two could easily become one nice phrase. Again, just an example - rewrite it as you will.

Twelve in total, they move as a one.
Missing a comma.

They jump and skip while kicking what must be a crushed can. It is colored in blue and laced with white.
Jumping and skipping merrily, the kids kick what seems to be a crushed blue can.
Combine these two phrases - work better as one.

Excitement fills their chatter. Curious is their tone.
Kind of an odd phrasing here - may want to rework this.

Not with his hands, but with his feet.
Missing a comma here. Furthermore, if you wanted to, this would also work well as one sentence.

Quickly, he begins bouncing the metal thing on his knees.
Missing a comma here.

The action is easy to describe, but far more difficult to perform.
Missing a comma here.

...e curious beast swings by prehensile tail.
I don't understand what you mean here.

... monkey quickly scrabbles scrambles away ...
Wrong word here.

invecting his own high pitched victory yell.
Invecting? That is not a word. What do you mean?

If you ask us nicely, we might teach you.
Missing a comma here.

Silly monkey, give us back our toy!”
Missing a comma here.

es the small earth things.
Do you mean the children? This is a very odd way to call them.

...s much longer than seems sane appropriate? merited?....
Wrong word choice here. Listed a few suggestions.

Abruptly, the warring ends.
Missing a comma here.

Silly clicks and whistles still.
What do you mean here?

The older boys nods at the giggling group

The louder the boy calls, the more frantically the birds roll their heads and bounce in the tree.
Missing a comma.

Angst builds within the flock. It erupts in chatter that is seriously annoyed.
May want to rephrase the second phrase. Sounds odd.


t in a wave of blues and rainbow colored flickers.

Then the colorful birds plummet downwards brushing the tops of trees

Unlike the monkeys, the birds provide rewards. Re
Missing a comma here.

n their red golden treats.
n their golden-red treats.

They stretch out long comfortably and take short naps.

Each little boy tosses one piece to the tormenter of birds.
tormenter of birds? May want to rephrase this.

The culprit is too much sugar mixed with fatigue. Disgruntled as the two boys are they are still natural brothers.
Very odd rewording. I highly suggest rewriting these two phrases carefully.

After a few moments, the argument disappears.
Missing a comma.

Now that the troop is rested, they embark once more upon their trek.
Missing a comma.

*FlagR*Sect II - Style *StarfishB**StarfishB* / *StarfishB**StarfishB*

The story is written in a very whimsical style. This chapter stands in heavy contrast with the very dark, action packed story in the previous chapter. There is so much innocence being portrayed here.

*FlagR*Sect III - Creativity *StarfishB**StarfishB* / *StarfishB**StarfishB*

Reminds me a tad of Lord of the Flies, but much more whimsical. I like the concept, though I don't know yet how it will tie together with the first chapter of the story. I look forward to finding out.

*FlagR*Sect IV - Content *StarfishB**StarfishB**StarfishB* / *StarfishB**StarfishB**StarfishB**StarfishB*

The chapter was filled with much description. There was also a soft climax - the monkey encounter - and another - the bird encounter. There was no moment that makes you sit at the edge of the keyboard, but then again, this isn't always needed. Well written, innocent story. Other than setting the stage though, I can't figure out any other meaning/purpose this story would have.

*FlagR*Sect V - Final Notes/Thoughts 3.5/5
Well written story, though with significantly more errors grammar-wise than the previous chapter. Also has less impact than the previous chapter, though the very innocent, happy-go-lucky air is also nice. I liked this chapter, though the grammar issues made some parts difficult to read/understand. Still look forward to reading the next chapter though - good work!

Best regards,

Kevin
4
4
Review by Kevin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi James,

First, I just want to explain quickly the way in which I make reviews:
**************************************************************************************
{Sect I} - Up to 1 star awarded for grammar and the like.
 * 0    : A ton of grammar issues that distract heavily from the content - unreadable
 * 0.5 : Grammar issues are present, but not overpowering
 * 1    : Almost no grammar issues, or no grammar issues
{Sect II} - Up to 1 star awarded for style.
 * 0    : Very poorly written, nothing that distinguishes this piece
 * 0.5 : The author's style is apparent, but not yet fully developed
 * 1    : Very unique style, or very well developed style of writing
{Sect III} - Up to 1 star awarded for creativity.
 * 0    : Overused concept that is done again and again with no original spin to it
 * 0.5 : Used idea, but with a slightly novel take or twist. Nice idea!
 * 1    : Novel idea or extremely novel twist to used idea. Excellent idea!
{Sect IV} - Up to 2 stars awarded for content/story.
 * 0    : Almost no story/content - everything is disjointed
 * 0.5 : There almost seems to be some content, though still disjointed
 * 1    : Content is clearly present, but missing a lot of elements
 * 1.5 : Content is clearly present, and only a few elements are missing
 * 2    : Content is clearly present, and nothing is essentially missing. Excellent piece!
{Sect V} - Final Thoughts, Advice, Total Scoring.
**************************************************************************************


This is a review of: Ch 1 - The Children of Tegalupa

Sect I - Grammar 0.5/1
The grammar section will follow the format:
-------------------------------------------
italicized --> Your words
red-font --> suggestion/fix/change
bolded --> commentary
-------------------------------------------

...ks in the shelter of the boat's ship's massive steel walls. Bu...
If it's massive, then usually they are called 'ships' rather than 'boats'. The distinction has to do with size, and a typical way to measure this is if a boat is large enough to carry other boats, it's probably a ship. Sounds a little better as well in this context.

... With two hands, I pull ...
Just missing a comma here.

...Our boat ship, from tip bow to tail stern, is one hundred and forty meters long. A f...

The front of a ship is called the bow, and the back of the ship is called the stern. I also added a few commas - what do you think?

...Once, she was a warship...
Missing a comma here.

...caught a flash of white as the a man was swept o...
Should be 'a' rather than 'the' I think in this situation.

...k. The end of the line I quickly tie tightly to the starboard railin...
...k. I quickly tie the end of the line tightly to the starboard railin...
Flipped the sentence a bit - sounds better this way.

...With a length of torn fabric, I bind myself to the railing as well...
Missing a comma here

..."Is he alive, Old Man? The ...
Missing a comma here.

..."Say what you mean, Old Man! A...
Missing a comma here.

...am the men where were talking. I can ...
Wrong word here.

...he was before. "Your You're not dead!" I yell to the still form laying at my feet, "You don't die like this you stupid git!...
Wrong 'your'. Remember, 'your' is possessive, and you're is a contraction of 'you' and 'are'.

...nt face. "Brave day, my lad! The twig h...
Missing a comma here.

...To nature and her greatness, we may not be much more than toys...
Missing a comma here.

Sect II - Style 1/1
I really liked your writing style! A good combination of short, concise phrases to really emphasize what you're describing. I also noticed that you tend to capitalize several words when speaking of a person, such as "The First Mate", which is a tad odd. Usually, none of these are capitalized - only proper names are.

Sect III - Creativity 1/1
Very creative! I'm still not entirely certain if this story is fantasy, but either way it is written well. I like the story so far, and it really draws the reader in. Maybe it's because of so many deaths occuring in the first chapter, but reading this is somewhat exciting since it feels like the author isn't afraid to kill. Like no one is safe!

Sect IV - Content 2/2
The story is very well developed. At a glance, it seems simple, but looking closer, there are many levels of complexity piled on. Lots of things are begun here, and I'm eager to see how they will be carried through. Your descriptions are also quite spot on. Great work!

Sect V - Final Notes/Thoughts 4.5/5
This was an excellently written first chapter. It has a strong hook that makes the reader want to come back and read more. Interestingly, the chapter has its own climactic moment, as well as a resolution at the end. This style of written, I've noticed, tends to keep people reading. Great job!

Best regards,

Kevin
5
5
Review of Tears In Rain  Open in new Window.
Review by Kevin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Aimber,

First, I just want to explain quickly the way in which I make reviews:
**************************************************************************************
{Sect I} - Up to 1 star awarded for grammar and the like.
 * 0    : A ton of grammar issues that distract heavily from the content - unreadable
 * 0.5 : Grammar issues are present, but not overpowering
 * 1    : Almost no grammar issues, or no grammar issues
{Sect II} - Up to 1 star awarded for style.
 * 0    : Very poorly written, nothing that distinguishes this piece
 * 0.5 : The author's style is apparent, but not yet fully developed
 * 1    : Very unique style, or very well developed style of writing
{Sect III} - Up to 1 star awarded for creativity.
 * 0    : Overused concept that is done again and again with no original spin to it
 * 0.5 : Used idea, but with a slightly novel take or twist. Nice idea!
 * 1    : Novel idea or extremely novel twist to used idea. Excellent idea!
{Sect IV} - Up to 2 stars awarded for content/story.
 * 0    : Almost no story/content - everything is disjointed
 * 0.5 : There almost seems to be some content, though still disjointed
 * 1    : Content is clearly present, but missing a lot of elements
 * 1.5 : Content is clearly present, and only a few elements are missing
 * 2    : Content is clearly present, and nothing is essentially missing. Excellent piece!
{Sect V} - Final Thoughts, Advice, Total Scoring.
**************************************************************************************


This is a review of: Tears in Rain

Sect I - Grammar 1/1
No grammar mistakes. One thing though was the word emollient.. I don't feel like it quite fits in with the rest of the poem. It's a great word, just out of place a bit. Also, last line, there is a space before the comma for some reason.

Sect II - Style 0.5/1
Written as a rhyming poem where a line rhymes with the line directly below it. Rhymes are in pairs of 2 lines. 2 issues I found with the rhyming component: "A single person distinguishes drops and tears" ... "Don't let us know and silently bears" ... tears and bears do not rhyme, at least in the context of tears as it crying. Gloom and Soon are also an iffy rhyme. Otherwise looks good.

Sect III - Creativity 1/1
This was a well written poem, and written in a unique way. Great job! I can almost feel the sorrow it carries.

Sect IV - Content 1.5/2
The content is good. The theme is sadness, and how rain connects with it. I think that it does a good job of linking the two. The phrases are a little odd though sometimes, which is why I couldn't give this a 2/2. They didn't seem to quite fit. Good work though!

Sect V - Final Notes/Thoughts 4/5
Nice poem! I like how the title is incorporated into the last line of the poem. Good theme, good execution. Keep writing!

Best regards,

Kevin
6
6
Review of The Path of Faith  Open in new Window.
Review by Kevin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Prosperous Snow(Neva),

First, I just want to explain quickly the way in which I make reviews:
**************************************************************************************
{Sect I} - Up to 1 star awarded for grammar and the like.
 * 0    : A ton of grammar issues that distract heavily from the content - unreadable
 * 0.5 : Grammar issues are present, but not overpowering
 * 1    : Almost no grammar issues, or no grammar issues
{Sect II} - Up to 1 star awarded for style.
 * 0    : Very poorly written, nothing that distinguishes this piece
 * 0.5 : The author's style is apparent, but not yet fully developed
 * 1    : Very unique style, or very well developed style of writing
{Sect III} - Up to 1 star awarded for creativity.
 * 0    : Overused concept that is done again and again with no original spin to it
 * 0.5 : Used idea, but with a slightly novel take or twist. Nice idea!
 * 1    : Novel idea or extremely novel twist to used idea. Excellent idea!
{Sect IV} - Up to 2 stars awarded for content/story.
 * 0    : Almost no story/content - everything is disjointed
 * 0.5 : There almost seems to be some content, though still disjointed
 * 1    : Content is clearly present, but missing a lot of elements
 * 1.5 : Content is clearly present, and only a few elements are missing
 * 2    : Content is clearly present, and nothing is essentially missing. Excellent piece!
{Sect V} - Final Thoughts, Advice, Total Scoring.
**************************************************************************************


This is a review of: The Path of Faith

Sect I - Grammar 1/1
Only 1 issue I saw - line 11. "Strewn with crystal sharp shards" should be "Strewn with sharp crystal shards"? Otherwise, because of the way the poem is broken up, I don't have many comments about the grammar.

Sect II - Style 1/1
Split into 3 verses. No rhyming scheme present. Also to note that several words are bolded in the poem - unsure of the reason for the bolding though. Feels like an old legend of some sort (the ways its worded and phrased).

Sect III - Creativity 1/1
I think that the way that you presented this topic was fairly unique. Faith is definitely something that gets talked about like this, but I like how you spoke of faith in general rather than subtly hinting at a particular faith. I respect you for doing that.

Sect IV - Content 2/2
Tells of the journey of Faith. About how difficult it is to keep it. I like how the end parts of the first 2 verses go towards the darkness, and the has a "giving-up" tone before jumping back into things at the start of the following verse. I think that it is well done. I am still a little confused about the purpose of the bolded words though. I also like how you describe that submitting to the darkness is really simple, but escaping it is extremely difficult. Very well done!

Sect V - Final Notes/Thoughts 5/5
Well written free-verse poem! I think this particular poem might benefit from a bit of rhyme, but I'm not partial to rhymes myself. Like I mentioned earlier, this poem seems to me like an old legend, so adding some rhyme would help solidify that idea. The poem works like this anyhow. Great job!

Best regards,

Kevin
7
7
Review of The Beginning  Open in new Window.
Review by Kevin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Ben Garrick,

First, I just want to explain quickly the way in which I make reviews:
**************************************************************************************
{Sect I} - Up to 1 star awarded for grammar and the like.
 * 0    : A ton of grammar issues that distract heavily from the content - unreadable
 * 0.5 : Grammar issues are present, but not overpowering
 * 1    : Almost no grammar issues, or no grammar issues
{Sect II} - Up to 1 star awarded for style.
 * 0    : Very poorly written, nothing that distinguishes this piece
 * 0.5 : The author's style is apparent, but not yet fully developed
 * 1    : Very unique style, or very well developed style of writing
{Sect III} - Up to 1 star awarded for creativity.
 * 0    : Overused concept that is done again and again with no original spin to it
 * 0.5 : Used idea, but with a slightly novel take or twist. Nice idea!
 * 1    : Novel idea or extremely novel twist to used idea. Excellent idea!
{Sect IV} - Up to 2 stars awarded for content/story.
 * 0    : Almost no story/content - everything is disjointed
 * 0.5 : There almost seems to be some content, though still disjointed
 * 1    : Content is clearly present, but missing a lot of elements
 * 1.5 : Content is clearly present, and only a few elements are missing
 * 2    : Content is clearly present, and nothing is essentially missing. Excellent piece!
{Sect V} - Final Thoughts, Advice, Total Scoring.
**************************************************************************************


This is a review of: The Beginning

Sect I - Grammar 0.5/1
I noticed a small issue the third paragraph: She leaned back a little so she could look at me and said, 'I like it when you do that. But can I ask you a personal question?' I replied---something on the order of, 'Go ahead and ask. Depending on what it is, I might even answer!' She practically floored me because she asked, and I quote, "Why haven't you tried to touch my boobs?" You forgot to close the dialog. Other than that, I noticed a ton of commas. While they might not be strictly wrong, it unfortunately has the effect of making it somewhat hard to read. Another small thing that had no impact on the rating was the spacing between paragraphs - it was a bit too much for me personally. Good job otherwise though!

Sect II - Style 1/1
The story had a very playful, pure tone to it. Although the protagonist is clearly used to this kind of thing, there is a certain charm as to his apparent naivety. I also liked to ironic undertone that this story began on - made for a good bit of foreshadowing. The protagonist seems to be a highly deductive type - it seems a bit odd in this scenario, but it sort of works. It does add to making this your own unique twist though.

Sect III - Creativity 1/1
The topic is a bit used, but I enjoyed the clever little twist you gave it. You really did make this your own.

Sect IV - Content 2/2
There was a clear introduction, climax, conclusion, etc. The actual story itself was brief, but filled. I would say that this is a great little short story, and has all the essential parts that a short story needs. It's always a sign of a great writer when they are able to cover all the bases like this in so few words. I tend to enjoy short stories the most since I like being able to interpret things myself and build my own image of how I think a character's back story is. This was no exception. Great job!

Sect V - Final Notes/Thoughts 4.5/5
This was a pleasant little story with few issues. There were also some interesting expressions in it that I don't see everyday, which was nice. I think you did a great job with this! Keep up the good work, and keep writing!

Best regards,

Kevin
8
8
Review by Kevin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Tim Chiu,

First, I just want to explain quickly the way in which I make reviews:
**************************************************************************************
{Sect I} - Up to 1 star awarded for grammar and the like.
 * 0    : A ton of grammar issues that distract heavily from the content - unreadable
 * 0.5 : Grammar issues are present, but not overpowering
 * 1    : Almost no grammar issues, or no grammar issues
{Sect II} - Up to 1 star awarded for style.
 * 0    : Very poorly written, nothing that distinguishes this piece
 * 0.5 : The author's style is apparent, but not yet fully developed
 * 1    : Very unique style, or very well developed style of writing
{Sect III} - Up to 1 star awarded for creativity.
 * 0    : Overused concept that is done again and again with no original spin to it
 * 0.5 : Used idea, but with a slightly novel take or twist. Nice idea!
 * 1    : Novel idea or extremely novel twist to used idea. Excellent idea!
{Sect IV} - Up to 2 stars awarded for content/story.
 * 0    : Almost no story/content - everything is disjointed
 * 0.5 : There almost seems to be some content, though still disjointed
 * 1    : Content is clearly present, but missing a lot of elements
 * 1.5 : Content is clearly present, and only a few elements are missing
 * 2    : Content is clearly present, and nothing is essentially missing. Excellent piece!
{Sect V} - Final Thoughts, Advice, Total Scoring.
**************************************************************************************


This is a review of: The Faintest Hint of Love

Sect I - Grammar 1/1
This section is usually pretty irrelevant in my opinion for poetry. There are no noticeable grammar issues. Great use of vocabulary - strong without being too overpowering. Nice balance.

Sect II - Style 1/1
Written in a type of rhyme where the pattern of verse is that the second and third line of each four line verse rhyming. I like that the author chose to not write this in the first person - makes it very easy, in my opinion, for the reader to have his/her own interpretation.

Sect III - Creativity 0.5/1
The topic is one that, while very very common, stays relevant and personal. True love is something many everyone seeks, whether actively or passively. True love is something I've always believed was something pure, and your poem captures that element very well. Great job!

Sect IV - Content 2/2
As I've touched on slightly in the earlier sections of the review, the content of the poem is focused on an idealized form of true love. The author uses metaphors and other forms of comparisons to paint a heartfelt image. The rhyming scheme helps tie the poem together more closely. I enjoyed the nice balance of word choice - at times, it seems very formal, others, very informal. To me, those hints of informality nearer to the end seem to carry with them a subtle promise. Love, during the initial courting phase is usually quite nervous and rigid.. Thus the promise this poem seems to carry would be the promises of comfort and happiness of the later stages of relationships. The stages where one is totally at ease with the other. Very well done!

Sect V - Final Notes/Thoughts 4.5/5
Excellent poem! I look forward to possibly reading another piece from you!

Best regards,

Kevin
9
9
Review of Deserved  Open in new Window.
Review by Kevin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi there ByronWrites,

First, I just want to explain quickly the way in which I make reviews:
**************************************************************************************
- Up to 2 stars awarded for grammar and the like.
- Up to 1 star awarded for creativity.
- Up to 2 stars awarded for content/story.
**************************************************************************************
GRAMMAR - (2/2)
-----------------------------
No notable or obvious grammar mistakes. If they are present, then they don't infuriate the reader by making impacting legibility. Well done!
-----------------------------
CREATIVITY - (0.5/1)
-----------------------------
This story revolves around a concept that, while good, is very much present in current society's media. I've personally seen at least several other stories similar in concept to this.
-----------------------------
CONTENT - (2/2)
-----------------------------
Does everything you'd want in a short story: very quickly sketches in a back story - a fairly complete one, might I add - has a quick climax moment, and foreshadows/hints at a conclusion in such a way to leave room for some interpretation. Although we don't know what happens to Johnny in the end, we do know that he gets a second chance. This could mean that he takes that chance and turns his life around (what it seems to be pointing at) or possibly the SWAT team get to him and he never gets that chance.
-----------------------------
FINAL THOUGHTS
-----------------------------
A nice, short, well-written story. I enjoyed reading this one. Great job!

Best regards,

Kevin
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