I just read your "Nursing Personal Statement" and I thought it was good. It seems to show your passion and how you came to realize it. There area few things that should be looked at, like the Â's that are everywhere. These are randomly placed throughout the statement and should be revised (unless they are for some purpose I am unaware of).
"Not only did I significantly mature, I felt a new sense of purpose that I had never known before, along with unconditional love." This sentence is a bit choppy. I think it would be great to include it, but try to reword it if possible.
"I was very interested in art â I loved photography and even worked on a significant part of my schoolâs yearbook for 2 years, eventually being offered an editor-in-chief position." There are a few revisions needed here because the use of the â in a few areas makes this seem like a very long sentence that doesn't flow. Maybe something like "I was very interested in art loved photography so much that I even worked on a significant part of my schools yearbook. I did this for 2 years and was eventually offered an editor-in-chief position."
Any suggestions in this reply are just suggestions. I like how straight forward your statement is and the message it sends and I do not wish for those to change. However, I would suggest a revision to make sure there are no compound sentences and to slowly read to make sure that it flows. If you would like more comments on specific things feel free to ask or message me back.
Have a wonderful day and thank you for going after what you enjoy and I hope you continue to do so!
I think this is a great but sad story. I like the way you worded some parts of it, but other parts need a little grammar work.
"Use to, Marcelia's life was full of happiness and love." Use to does not make sense to me. And there was one or two more things but I cannot find them now! (= I YOu did a great job with this and I enjoyed reading it!
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