I found your book in the "read and review" page. It's overall well-written and the rhymes are thoughtfully done. It has a humourous element to it, especially at the end of the last stanza. The added italicized writing is a good touch. I haven't caught any grammar issues, and congrats for winning the Writer's Cramp Contest!
It captures the topic of embracing your inner child well, especially with the powerful descriptive words and phrases you used such as "my heart is fluttering" and "as loneliness envelops me".
As I have no critique for the quality of the work, there are a few grammar issues in mainly the seventh and eighth lines. Here is the same lines edited for grammar:
I watch TV, yet everything tugs more on my heart strings. I hear a line and my mind now knows what I should have said.
I take a nap and I wake up feeling lost as if I woke up stranded in the middle of the sea. Regretting how I wasted such charming day.
The characters, especially their interactions, are so lighthearted and youthful that they seem real. Their voice and dialogue is written well, especially at the end when they blame each other for the fact that they have no music, and when they agree that adults are strange.
Well written in a way that shows experience and talent. 5 stars for sure, happy writing!
Pros: It captures the childish nature off Cassidy perfectly, especially her emotions and interactions with her dolls. I haven't caught any grammar mistakes.
Cons: Nothing, just confused how you have so much Frozen knowledge ...🤨
There's a lot of description and well used adverbs/adjectives in this chapter. So far I haven't seen any grammar mistakes. I'm guessing the beginning of the story is a hook, but I think many people won't understand and will quickly lose attention. In my opinion, the characters could be described better, but I understand that with a word limit, it's hard to capture that. This is very high-quality writing for a sixth-grader, congrats!
I think this is a good book so far, but you have included a lot of run-on sentences. An example includes "Then Cosmo said also our universe we are in is the only one with elemental powers which means all our other selves don't have this power ... " which could be split into many different sentences.
You can consider including quotation marks before and after dialogue, and making some sentences shorter or cutting them out completely. There are capitalized letters in the middle of some sentences, for example "he said It is a surprise and tell Cosmo I said hello, I will burn him later and I woke up sweating."
So far, not many grammar mistakes, and the plot is developing well.
A good book overall!
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