Dear E.E. Coder,
this is an Angel Army In-Depth Review of your piece “The Coldness of Revenge”.
General Disclaimer: My reviews reflect my honest opinions, but are always given with the intention of being constructive and encouraging. Please feel free to take or leave any points that I raise - it is your work after all! Having said that, I really hope that you'll find this review helpful!
 Overall Impression:
I thought this was a very interesting, if incredibly sad story. I’m glad that you told it though, as in times of war it’s all too easy to forget the suffering of those who are affected, those who are innocent. Your story is quite controversial as well of course, but again, I think this is quite interesting. It’s so easy to vilify the enemy, so to speak, and to never acknowledge where their motivations may be coming from.
 Strong Points:
 I thought you did a great job at describing this little family, their initial happiness, which was later followed by real tragedy, and the suffering this brought. It was easy to related to them, and that in itself was brilliant about this story.
I kept thinking that if you were in America (which I’m not!) and would hear about Yusif in the news, he’d just be called a terrorist or a rebel. But you did a wonderful job at actually making the reader understand his numb pain and his motivations, and agree with them! It’s brilliantly done. In truth, “good” and “evil” as we like to think of the different nations at a time of war simply isn’t a matter of black and white. There are different motivations, different values and goals, and the common denominator is just the passion with which they are pursued. I think you’ve made that very clear, and I almost suspect that a number of “black and white” thinking readers might not like this piece for this very reason – which is a real shame.
I really liked the last paragraphs, as it linked directly back to the beginning. At the beginning, the main question for me was of course what had caused her to feel so cold and upset, and I’m glad that you came back to this at the end.
 Points to Think About:
 This first point isn’t a criticism at all, it’s really just something to think about. I didn’t realise that Farah and Yusif and their little family were actually in Iraq until you mentioned Saddam Hussein, which took me by surprise at this point. Perhaps that’s a very good thing, as you describe them as a little family that I could very much relate to, without any pre-conceptions or even prejudices at all.
This story is very heavy on the narrative side, which I think at times “dulled” it a little, especially when the events and actions were actually quite exciting. Of course this is in part due to the fact that the whole story is told through Farah’s lamenting, for which narrative lends itself most readily. However, you do at times slip into actually describing little scenes (such as the birth of their children), which are a lot more vivid. I’d recommend doing more of this, i.e. more showing than telling!
I thought that the above was particularly detrimental when you described the war, and the losses of their two children. The narrative nature of it, and the “telling”, makes all these (very dramatic) events seem numb and flat. I am sure that this reflects, in part, how Farah feels at the moment when she remembers this. However, wouldn’t it be better if the reader understood the actual moments that ultimately drove Yusif down the path he ended up taking?
 Structural Notes/Typos:
I only noticed one proper typo - I hope you don’t mind me pointing this out to you:
 “Maryam had received a terrible blow to her head, and remained unconscious for quite awhile a while”
I thought that the text was a little clumsy at times, and often quite repetitive. You use the phrase that her parents “soon grew fond of Yusif” twice in the same paragraph. When you describe the American attack on the city, everything keeps coming “closer and closer” – you use this phrase three times in three consecutive paragraphs. I’d suggest changing these to something different.
 Final Comments:
Thank you very much for sharing this piece – I thought you did a great job at telling another side of the story, one that most people never think about, and many, I dare to claim, never want to think about. It’s just so much easier to “dehumanize” the enemy, and I think you did a fantastic job at challenging that gross misconception. Definitely keep up the great work!
Best wishes,
- Jules
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Missing quotation marks here.
Additionally, in the third paragraph there are a few instances where you don’t have a space ( ) following a full stop or a comma. 
