Fun little story. I think the thing people should take out of this is while we are so serious about ourselves we bneed to stop and enjoy the rythm of life. Dance a little. You did a great job setting the scene. I felt as you describred america i could vision his every move from looking in the mirror to falling asleep in his chair. Nice work
Great poem had an awesome flow to it and loved how you used losing you at the end of each stanza but with different variations. Something we have all definately felt and your work made me think back to a time i had a love one leave and not by my choice. Great job
Good poem with a nice flow. Easy to follow and something i think we all can relate whether it's our own story or someone we know. I've read quite a bit of your work and you are very good at writing. Keep it up I'm sure you are going to get something published if you already have not.
good flow to your poem and it made me think it was a little kid until the end. funny thing as well i actually looked out into my yard to see if any birds are taking fruit from our trees. each stanza was easy to picture and you told a great story with very few lines. thanks for sharing
Hi katie this is a very good start. You paint a real good picture and grammar use is great. I'm not really sure how to evaluate a short story since I do not write them but from what I read you have a creative mind so keep exploring it. f*** maybe between the three of us we could put together a book of writings. So I think she became a witch? pretty awesome if she does and starts making human stew out of people she kills. Keep it up and if you have questions look toward the people who write short stories. Good luck keep me posted b i a t c h
As someone who believes in apparitions and extra terrestrial this is a well put together poem with a great story. I can visualize the house on the hill, the word chill gave me chills as i was reading and as you keep reading the poem gives me chills thinking about the fact that we are living with certain unexplained energies. Which makes me wonder if the chills are only from the poem or if someone is reading it with me...awesome. Thanks for sharing
You can really grasp the story you are telling and a great rhyme scheme. The writing is deep, complex and yet very smooth for the reader to enjoy. Great work
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