The story and flow of this poem was so good I didn't even realize there was a rhyming structure until I finished it. Well done. I particularly liked the line "That dying look burns into his soul, making any a peace a thing of his past."
I thought the "Maybe I don't want to be alive!" to be a little melodramatic, but then again we certainly see why he would say that. Rephrasing that line could be a worthwhile experiment.
I'm curious what exactly this mind field is supposed to be composed of. Is it something spiritual? I think something along these lines must be stated, or else the "mind field" would solely be comprised of whatever stray electromagnetic fields our neurons create.
The moon truly is something, isn't it? I like the part about seeing the moon from a distance allowing us to see how beautiful it is. Is it really considered a fake planet by people? I've never heard that one before. I think a semicolon is needed on the second to last sentence.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.10 seconds at 6:40pm on Dec 11, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "