We all used to do stuff when mom was not looking. Reminds me ofr almost every weekend growing up. Great flow and rhythm moved it right along well. Kudos and well done
Very nice piece. It flows well, reads aloud nicely. I like the lack of wasted words. Each one here seems like it knows it's p0-lace. And also good good subject matter. Well done
A simplke expression and question we all ask at one time or anothger in life. I like how the simple choice is made because of a pair of sneakers; and yet it avoids the deeper me4anings that could have been included in the arguement.
All in all: A pretty simple, astute observation on the nature of love.
This is an interesting, unusual take on the themem of unrequited love. it doesn't hit any visceral nerve with me. I thinlk it needs to have a few lines about the full effects of holding such emotions in. Otherwise, a good work.
A little more work and it would be REALLY good, i think
A very enjoyable poem. It makes one think and inspires at the same timeLines asrer tight, without a wasted syllable; and the stanzas are cohesive . A Grade-A piece
Good poem. A couple suggestions, though:
12: Instead of children developing, try " Trees sing". It sticks with the whole nature theme.
2: Expand more on why music is magic, etcc... I think this could have been longer, and even betterwith this expansion.
Overall I really enjoyed the poem; and that is why I wish there was more of it. Keep up the good writing.
A verey well written poem. It tells beautifully about the passage of time in one's life. Hard to find even a wasted word here. It all works very well together A Siskel and Ebert "2 thumbs up".
The rhythm was difficult at first. I then read it aloud (twice). I'm not sure if you meant it to be; but aloud works very well. Better than silently. I used to do performance pieces in my younger years; and this feels like the soolid makings of performance. I quite like it.
What I liked: It is a good, solid poem with very descriptive phrases. It definitely speaks to pain and loss in a visceral way.
What could be changed: The first stanza with longer lines, seems to not flow with the tight, crisp language that follows. I would suggest revisiting this stanza. tighten the language, but keep the theme and feel of it.
Conclusion: A solid poem; thematically; but it could flow better from stanza to stanza (esoecially at the beginning). It seems a git rushed to publish.
Nice original, sarcastic look at the 1 neighbor who always goes too far at Christmas. When i read it to the tune of Tis the Season, it came really cloise to the melody. Love it. It's my kind of piece.
Good format and subject. It leavbes one to interpret it each for themselves. I like how it seems to ask what is a simple question; but it leaves much unanswered.Good poem
Decent poem. The lines flow well. It sticks well to it's theme; and doesn't stray, which can sometimes happen with a lofty theme. It is very well construcyed and reads well, even out loud.
A good work. In parts, it seems you meant for this piece to be read aloud by someone. I like how you didn't stray from speaking to the subject of your poem. It has good focus, and flows nicely
A good poem. Love the theme. It aeems to me, though, that va few thoughts read a vbit disjointed; andf are needlessly broken into 2 lines. The content itself is strung, though.
Only the choppiness of lines in parts I find wrong somehow. Tighten this up, and it'll become a very good poem.
This is overall a well-costructed piece of prose poetry. I cfeel it could have used a little less direct almost factual info; and a little more stylized language. But a good solid work nonetheless.
Although a bit wordy in a couple of places, this work clear in it's theme, and very intelligible. The lines hace an overall smoothe flow one to the next, making everything easily understood. All in all, a very well-written piece.
A good, solid work. You anthropomorphised the bench very clearly and succinctly. There is no doubt to the reader that it has seen many an occurance on it's seat. Very nicely done.
Really good except one little thing. The whole poem has melancholy a her. Except near the end when you use IT'S name is melancholy. Other than npticing this one thing, I really liked this poem. Keep on writing, just remember that you should maintain the same tense from start to finish next time.
This poem reminds me of lonliness and solitude; but a longing for companionship. Despite this, it also reads like it could be from a parakeet's point pf view. Though sometimes the narrative slows, it is still a very solidly constructed piece. Keep up the good work
An honest, interesting look at the strife faced by your generation(my father's too)your homest look at 20th century American wars is persomal to many. My father-Vietnam. My brother-Yraq twice. The end sounds sarcastic; but truth comes in many forms. Kudos! Honesty wins out again.
I love reading such an interesting poem. I like how it is broken into 3 sections, with each flowing into the next. It is simple yet elegant to me; but also feels very personal to you.
pretty good. Instead of "if only Cupid", try " Let Cupid's arrow fly free". Alsao i would NOT keep the part about the restraining order. It comes off a bit strong.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/johnhawkes
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.12 seconds at 6:42am on Nov 13, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
