This was a very moving piece that i really enjoyed reading. You are brave for posting such a personal account, and i am sorry for your loss. I too have lost my father, so when i read your piece it really reminded me of how much i missed my own father (I dont know if that was in your intentions, but it was nice.)
The only thing i noticed is a couple of spots where grammar and spelling came into account, specifically in the beginning.
Good start! You have many good thoughts, jokes, and great ideas with room for some improvement.
Good:
Funny. Some slapstick humor (fat jokes, mom jokes) but also some intelligent subtle humor as well. well done.
Your script captured a realistic dorm conversation. No matter the setting, your characters could be depicted as college students.
Improvement:
The conversation is a little forced and unnatural. I know actors contribute a good deal to this with their own interpretation, but it is important when writing a script that you can include slang and other natural elements of a conversation.
Keep it up, hope to see this grow
Romeo
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