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Very well done. You drew an amazing word picture. The last time I was in Toronto was 1979, and I don't recall seeing the water front, but I could imagine what it looks like from your description. Well done.
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Wow! This is good. Very well thought out. The expected ending with an unusual method was a cool idea. This was 2nd place? I need to find out what won! I really enjoyed this.
I found no glaring errors, nothing I would change.
As a lifelong civilian, thank you for your well thought out words. I pray we as a nation live up to our promises.
This is good, but it could be better. I'm not a poet, so I'm going to tell you what I think, but I'm not qualified to tell you how to correct what i think could be better.
The first few stanzas are spot on. I even like the 3rd line's cadence is different from the other lines. In the last couple of stanzas, the cadence is off a bit. Not much, but I noticed it.
Besides that, I saw no glaring errors, nothing else I would change.
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This is average. That doesn't mean bad, it means average. I didn't exactly understand what Sally saw. I understand you wrote this for a contest. The contest is over. Expand this. Put in more detail. What I saw was an SUV flying like an airplane.
Don't get me wrong wrong. I like this. I just wanted to see you improve it.
This is excellent. Well thought out, well written. However, your genre choices are horrible. Other, Contest, Contest Entry tell us, the reader, absolutely nothing. And they are probably the least visited genres people go to to find something to read. Keep Contest Entry is you want to, but the contest was 4 years ago. I recommend Death, Military, Spiritual, Dark, genres like that. Please let this be seen by more people.
That does not detract in the least from what is a fine piece of writing. You have done a wonderful job on a difficult subject.
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A very good history lesson. As a former News writer who strived be fair and balanced, I was afraid this would be an attack in the media at large. Thankfully, it wasn't. Is the media biased? Yes. Irretrievably? Only Fox "News" and the Communist News Network (CNN) are.
I found no glaring errors, nothing I would change.
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This is not bad. I noticed a couple of issues with the cadence of the piece, and a few of the rhymes seemed forced, but by and large, this is an enjoyable read. Which is what we want as authors.
One thing I strongly urge you to do is set this up in a couple genres. This is too good to be buried in a genre nobody looks in. There are several this might fit into, like Experience, or Comedy. We all post out babies here because we egotistically think we have written something that people actually want to read, and we think they will enjoy our scribblings. Or, at least that is why I post. Make it more available to be read. I enjoyed this, others will, too.
I found this by clicking on the Read & Review link, and am I ever glad I found this important editorial, if for no other reason than as an excellent look back at a terrifying time.
Early in the piece, I quote: "I remember the Ku Klux Klan and people going missing in our neighborhood and the folks telling us (the children) not to as White folks and to remember our manners.". There's a missing word or two somewhere in the section itself I italicized. I noticed a few typos in this as well. Like I don't have them.
I remember COVID. Now, after the pandemic has passed, it's nice to look back. I remember a post that said churches and bars are closed. If Heaven and Hell agree, it must be serous. We've made it through through the test, sad but alive. I love Grandpa (my dad), 4 close friends, a brother-in-law, and the grandson of a close friend to COVID, and nearly lost Uncle (my brother), and I've survived 2 bouts. Yeah. COVID can kiss my ass.
I see no glaring errors, nothing I would change. (that we could change, LOL).
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This is well written. The musicality is good, the rhyming scheme works. It was not to my taste, but that doesn't mean that if doesn't work. You wrote this well.
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You said what needs to be said, over and over and over again. I found the cadence to be off sometimes, and the rhyming scheme to be inconsistent. I think reworking this would definitely help. For example, the 1st stanza, the the 1st and 3rd lines rhyme, & the 2nd & 4th lines rhyme. In the 2nd stanza, the 2nd & 4th lines rhyme, but the 1st and 3rd do not. I feel that this inconsistency hurts an otherwise poem.
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This is good. I found some editing mistakes. The indents and the paragraph spacing are inconsistent. This is a minor thing, but it'd make it easier to read if you corrected it. It also seems like it could be expanded, made longer, to allow more character development. Tommy could be a very interesting character.
Other than that, I see no glaring errors, nothing I would change.
This is interesting. Microfiction has its uses. I think there are a few issues that could improve this without overly extending this. I didn't understand "other couples of balls." It meant absolutely nothing to me. I there is a typo in the next sentence. In the fire3 words, did you mean "they may have..." instead of had?
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OK I wasn't ready for the punchline. This is good. Mother Owl serving as the narrator is a good choice, and her character is well developed. This is well written, believable and entertaining. I enjoyed reading this.
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This is very good. I was saddened by the twist at the end, and I didn't understand getting Dave and Ashley together, but neither detracts from the whole that this is a very good story.
I noticed a few typos scattered around this that could be corrected, but if you read any of my stories, you'll notices a few typos scattered around that could be corrected.
Other than that, I see no other glaring errors, nothing I would change.
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Ah, the wonderful GPS. Fortunately, I use common sense when using it. I was driving Grandma and Grandpa (my parents) to his brother's house about 8 years ago. It wanted me to get off the interstate and take a dirt road for a few miles. I said, ah, no!
This is well written, although I don't understand why some followers showed her their IQ (their extended middle finger). I see no glaring errors, nothing I would change.
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First off, this is a well written short story. The situation is believable, as any parent will attest. The characters are well drawn and interesting. A 4-year-old who will do anything, including cook, to get Mommy's attention.
Which brings me to my second point. It's so easy to blow off a small child with a "Go play.". I remember one time I was making vegetable soup. My great nephew wanted to see what I was doing, and wasn't taking no for an answer. Now, you have to understand. When Dad make vegetable soup, Dad feeds the neighborhood. I set the pot on the floor, opened the cans, and handed them to him to pour into the pot. Much easier than fighting him.
I must say, one thing Son learned from me concerning raising Grandson and Granddaughter is to choose your battles, fight only the ones that you can win!
As for this, i see no glaring errors, nothing I would change, other than bringing Dad one of the cupcakes!
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This is very good. I really enjoyed the limerick form of poetry, and this is excellent. There are a few issues with the cadence, but it's a limerick. Who cares?
I found no glaring errors, nothing I would change.
I strongly urge you check "Linericks" . We have a great deal of fun.
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This starts off very strong. The cadence is spot on. The rhyming scheme is excellent. Then something happens. The cadence continues perfectly. But, it feels like some lines are missing. The4th stanza has 5 lines? And line 2 rhymes with #3, and #4 & 5 rhyme. What happened to line #1's rhyme? The next stanza has 3 lines. What's up with that? Then it finishes strong.
Even with the issues I pointed out, this is still excellent. Very good writing.
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This is good. It appears you try to go down a slippery slope to a more adult context, and then ease away from it. If you wanted to go there, there is nothing wrong with that. You appear to have made the choice that is right for you.
I see no glaring error, nothing I would recommend that you change,
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Very interesting. I'd be interested in what the prompts for the contests are. The story brings more questions than answers, which is a good thing. And I see no reason to answer them. Why try to answer a question there is no answer to. Did Star Trek tell us how the transporter works? Of course not, no one in this century (or last century when it was written) knows because the technology isn't there. How does he walk up the side of the building? No one knows, so why go down that rabbit hole?
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Am I to assume that this is a true story? If so, congratulations to your mother for following her dreams and succeeding. If not, congratulations to you for making me believe that this is a true story.
This is well written. The characters are well fleshed out, and the scenario is explained very clearly. Obviously you know more about Indian culture than I do and I appreciate the premier into your culture. I learned something. Thank you.
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This is good. I'm not much for free form poetry, but I do like Miles Davis. This is well written. The feel is spot on. I understand the challenge of the contest, and you nailed it.
I see no glaring errors, nothing I would change.
Write on
Smiles
Dad
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