I found this by clicking on the Read & Review link.
This is different. Not bad, just different. I understand that the contest is no dialogue. Even without dialogue, I think you could have expanded his character more. Somehow, it left me unfulfilled.
I saw no glaring errors, no suggestions on what to change to make it more fulfilling.
I found this by clicking on the Read & Review link.
Very interesting. Well thought out, well executed. I have to admit that I had figured out that Mr. Bond was dead about half way through, but that is not a bad thing. I think you did a wonderful job here. I am curious. I saw the small man as Ernst Stavro Blofeld even though he is supposed to be a physically high man. Who did you envision as the small man?
Well done. I see no glaring errors, nothing I would change.
I found this by clicking on the Read & Review link.
This is very good. I'm not a poetry expert, but for me, this reminds me of Emily Dickinson. It is well written. The rhyming scheme is good. The cadence is a little rough in places, but I don't know how to fix it.
I found this by clicking on the Read & Review link.
This is very good. I understand that you wrote this for a flash fiction contest. Now that the contest is closed, you might want to revisit this. It is too short on details. What color were the tulips? Did Charlie eat the leaves? The bids? The stems? Did they taste different? How did they taste? Were the kids yelling? Grinning? Laughing? Did Charlie try to nibble on the goodies? What did he think of the chocolate bunny? Did it scare him? (The initial shock of seeing a bunny wrapped in plastic might bee a good plot point!). It doesn't have to be overly long. It is a children's story, after all. These are just so e of my thoughts. As it is, it's a very good story.
I followed your advice and followed the links. I understand much better now. I was the link, but I tend to skip over them for no good reason, so I missed this. I'm glad you led me in the right direction. I don't know how to tell you to tell dunces like to to follow the steps. Good luck with that.
I found this by clicking on the Read & Review link.
And imagine my surprise when you popped up.
This is a very good story. It leaves many questions that do NOT need to be answered. The set up is ordinary, which is a good thing. Just an ordinary day. The action is believable. Children get lost in the woods easily. The questions that don't need answering are, how did she know that the kid was at the cabin? How did she know how to get to the cabin? Why didn't the rangers know about the cabin? Why couldn't Chief follow the kid's scent? Masterful job of making these questions inconsequential.
I found this by clicking on the Read & Review link.
They say that limericks are a low form of poetry. I say I don't care. I love them.
This is a good limerick, better than most of mine. I see no glaring errors (other than swallowing a fly), nothing I would change (other than swallowing a fly).
If you like limericks and want a fun, challenging In/Out to participate in, I urge you to try "Linericks" . I visit it often. It is very fun, and can be quite a challenge. Check it out.
I found this by clicking on the Read & Review link.
This is average. Not bad, but not earthshattering. Hence, 3-stars. There is nothing wrong with this. I understand that this is an article that explains your feelings. You do the job well. I see no glaring errors, nothing I would change.
I found this by clicking on the Read & Review link.
If your loss is recent, please accept my condolences.
This is very good. I would make one suggestion: The 7th line, change memory to mem'ry. Make it an obvious 2 syllable word. The cadence will flow better.
Other than that, there is nothing I would change. I see no glaring errors.
This is very good. Thank you for bringing it to my attention. I especially like the choice of Elliott's last name. Good move. Names of our characters can be very important. I chose Ken and April for my character names in "Backstage" because they were common enough at the story's setting, but not as common as Bob or Paul, Mary or Sue. I saw no glaring errors. I would change one this. Because of the death at the climax, I'd suggest you change the rating to 13+, and do it before the moderators do it and lick it in.
Wow! Awesome! This is very good. You give us just enough information to keep us glued to the page. I saw no glaring errors, nothing I would recommend changing. One thing I liked is you never gave us a reason for his suicide. Good job. Let us figure it out for ourselves.
I appreciate the GPs you send me for reviews, so I looked up your port, and this caught my eye. Now, mind you, I'm an expert on Rome (note the sarcasm). I haven't heard of all of these. My first reaction was, Where's Nero? Ok, seriously, "greatest" is subjective, but with my lack of know, I went with the one that, thanks to the Gospel of Luke's nativity story in the Bible, I. Went with the one that I'm must familiar with.
One good deed deserves another. I asked you to review two of my stories, so here we are.
This is very good. It might be a little short, but that works here. A couple things I noticed, and it's probably nothing. Where did they walk that first day? And how did Leo know Adrian's name? Why didn't Adrian ask? The fact that Adrian knew Leo's name is not a problem because of the way it was introduced: "The first time Adrian saw Leo, it felt like the world had tilted."
I think that you probably should give this a 13+ rating due to subject matter. Other than that, well done.
I found this when I clicked on the Read & Review link.
This is very very good. I like this very much. There are a couple of issues. You introduced the characters by their first names, then they refer to each other by their last names. Nothing wrong with the characters by their last names, but the first couple of times, I wasn't sure who they were referring to. I also got their last names confused, but that's probably more on me.
Also, late in the first chapter, you write: "Weeks passed, and suddenly, Adrian was everywhere."
Then you start chapter two with this: "After that, Adrian started showing up. Everywhere."
Um, yeah. He already has.
There are a few other continuity issue scattered elsewhere that could be worked on.
All in all, this is excellent. I do not normally read this type of story, nor do I write type of story. But this my normal type of review. There's a reason I read this. I have written a teen romance. Yeah, big surprise for me, and Mom (my wife) didn't believe it until she read it, but I did. You call teen romance your specialty. I'm going to send you a formal review request for my story, "It Started Backstage" and I would consider it a personal favor if you would be so kind as to give me a review. Thank you in advance.
Back to this, congratulations on a very good story.
I read a recent review of this on the Recent Reviews link.
I have to agree with the previous reviewer. This sounds delicious, but why thin spaghetti? It may sound strange that I, a man, like to read recie, but I do And I love spaghetti. This recipe is well put together, the step by step instructions are easy to follow, which is what we want when writing a recipe, and the feeds number at the end is a thoughtful addition
I found this when I read Ichabod Crane's review on the Recent Reviews link.
This is a good story. There are issues. It wasn't immediately apparent Falco was a bird, and never clear what kind of bird. It's never clear to me what Krystal is. Also, this is wordy. The first three sentences could be reworked together:
Falco's mind wandered as he walked down the hall when the falcon heard someone call him. "Oh, hi, Krystal," he greeted the fox. "What brings you here?"
I agree with Ichabod, the laugh sequence seriously interrupts the story. I could not make out what Krystal was trying to say.
I found this by clicking on the Read & Review link.
This is interesting. This is not bad, but IMHO, it is not good, either. There are issues with this. The cadence is not steady. There are places that it moves well, and others where it lurches. Each pair of lines rhymes, which is good, except lines 5 & 6, which is off-putting at best.
Now, I am not a poet. Compare my poem, "A Really Lousy Poem" and it will prove this statement. My cadence is off, I had to go to ridiculous lengths to rhyme, but that was my intention. I don't get that vibe from this.
Please don't be discouraged. Always remember: If at first you don't succeed, try pitching!
I found this when I clicked on the Read & Review link.
For not being a fan of poetry, I really liked this? It is very good. I see no glaring errors. I did see one very minor thing I would change. In the last stanza, the second line, I think I would've wrote it "such power's within your reach.". To me, the cadence flows better.
If that is the only thing I have to critique, you must have done well. Which you have.
I found this when I clicked on the Read & Review button.
This is good. Well thought out, well executed, very well written. You have done very well. There are no glaring errors, nothing I would change, I have no suggestions.
I found this when I clicked on the Read & Review button.
This is an excellent children's story. As a grandpa to a granddaughter who loves Anna and Elsa, I could feel her elation. Granddaughter would act that way. Then, I could feel Cassidy's letdown. You wrote it very well.
I see no glaring errors, nothing I would change. You wrote this well.
I found this when I clicked on the Read & Review button.
This is good. I enjoyed reading this. You conveyed the action well. I could see the action perfectly. I see no glaring errors.
I would recommend that you add the science fiction genre. I think there is something similar to stream of conscience in the genre list. I may be thinking of monologue. Add that, too. More views is why we post.
Write on
Smiles
Dad
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