What a great story! I realize this is flash fiction, therefore I have two suggestions. First, leave this alone. Do no editing. But make one addition, which is my second suggestion: Right a new version of this. Use this as a tease for the longer version. I envision maybe 2,500 to as many as 7,500 words. Give us some background. How long has Ally followed the band? It this the first time she saw them in concert? How long has she played guitar? Did she pick it up because the singer plays? Add details I haven't thought about. Don't be afraid of more than one version of a story. I wrote and posted two versions of "It Started Backstage (His POV)" because I could. I need to tell that story from two different perspectives.
Give it a shot. Sometimes these stories just write themselves.
Well done. As a grandpa myself, I know the bond a grandpa and a grandson can have. (Especially when Grandson is named after me, but enough bragging, Dad!) This is very well written. The exposition comes at the right pace. One thing I might recommend, which might make the flash fiction too long, is have the boy hug his grandpa before running off. Otherwise, I see no glaring errors, nothing else I would change.
This is well written. The cadence is good, the rhyming scheme fits. I see no glaring errors, nothing I would change (except an outright ban on war, but...)
I find this reminiscent of World War I poetry, but don't ask me which ones. I'm certainly not a poetry expert
This popped up on the Rate & Review button. First off, if you have lost your mate, my deepest condolences for your loss. May God be with you.
Now, on to the writing itself. This is very good. You have done very well imparting your sorrow into verse. The rhyming scheme is perfect. The cadence is very good. This is a fine piece of writing. My one suggestion is to enter genres. You'll get many more views by putting into several genres, and views is why we write. I would suggest any 3 of the following: Personal, Death, Adult, Tribute, Tragedy, Romance/Love, Relationship. Find the ones you like, and feel free to change them as you like.
This is very good, which makes my suggestions easier. First off, this is good just the way it is. If you change nothing, you have a good story. But, for me, there are a few issues. What type of cats are Noah and Oliver? You didn't make it clear until the end of the story that Oliver is a cat. By the same token, Sneaky Sam's species is unknown until the end. Expand Oliver's distraction. For example: "He made a loud noise and darted to the left. 'Stop that!' Sneaky Sam snarled as he turned toward the tabby." (Did you see what I did there?). Maybe a couple more sentences describing the cats' antics. It doesn't need to be a great deal longer, just give the reader a sense of impending danger, from a child's perspective, of course. Finally, especially with children's writing, I like exclamation ❗ marks. It shows excitement. And, naturally, children like excitement.
Like I said, if you do nothing, this is a good story. I really like it.
This is good. I will admit I didn't completely understand it. That made me read it more closely. Is this part of a series that maybe I should've read before this? I see no glaring errors.
Recommendations I would give apply only if this is a free-standing piece. Otherwise, please disregard them. I would encourage you to expand this. Who is Kindy, her father, and Valtrip? What is the guild? Provide more background. I gave you 4 stars on the assumption that is part of a series, so either way, I will not be revising my rating.
This is God. I understand that this was a contest entry from YEARS ago. Id like to see you extend this. This is good as it is. But I think it could be better if you expanded it. Show her discomfort, her uncertainty, her reticence. Maybe add another over the top jerk before she meets Bill Tom. My thought, maybe he's impressed with his own muscles.
I like this very much. You have done very well. I have one question: Why are a couple words bolded? I tried to read those words more emphatically, and it worked when they were spoken words, but not otherwise. I have one minor recommendation: For your third genre, put it into Comedy. This'll give it more Viet, which is why we post. Otherwise, no glaring errors, it looks good to me.
First off, I, too, am a firm believer in the power of prayer. The Lord has seen me & mine through so extremely difficult periods.
Now, on to the writing itself. This is very well written. I see no glaring errors in syntax, vocabulary, or grammar, nothing I would recommend changing. I really like this.
I found this when tapped on the Rate and Review link.
Well, this was not what I expected when I tapped on that link.
This is well written, well thought out, enjoyable. I see no glaring errors. Often with shorter pieces like this, I recommend extending it, writing more, fleshing it out. If you get the urge to extend this, please conquer the urge! This is good just the way it is.
I found this when I tapped rate & review button. This is very good. This is well written. It's obvious that you took your time, thinking this out, perfecting it. I applaud you. I must let you know I found WdC quite by accident, I just don't remember what I was looking for at the time.
I don't normally give out 5 stars, but I here for a couple reasons. First off, I have at various times in my lifetime been both receiving and volunteering. I won't discuss receiving. Volunteering at a local food bank through my church was one of the most rewarding things I've done. The Resource Center is now closed for numerous reasons, and my church is supporting hunger relief in other ways which I help out with. I would burn a couple vacation days from work so I could put time in at the resource center, it was that rewarding. It was hard work that I loved doing.
The other reason you got 5 stars from me is this is so well written. I hope you submitted this to Philabundance for their promotional use. You have do e very well with this.
This is good, but it has issues. There are some typos and grammar issues. Near the end, when everybody is pulling on here, I. Had to go back and we what bird. Also, the next sentence makes no sense whatsoever. Please re-read this, it needs fixing.
I rarely take issue with ratings, but the Intro Rating is Non-E. Why? I see nothing offensive in it.
Allman all, it's a nice story that needs a little tender loving care.
I found this on the Read & Review link on the homepage. Imagine my surprise to notice that it's 4 hours old!
This is very well written, and so true. My wife has probably influenced my writing far more than I know. I think the only change I would suggest is in the next to the last sentence, Ch dear beloved to dearly beloved. And that, I think, is just a stylistic choice.
Unfulfilling. Dissatisfaction And honestly, on a story such as this, I think it's a good thing. We all want the malefactors to get their just comeuppance, and that isn't reality. You wrote this well. We feel Ms. Sorensen's humiliation, and her frustration. I see no glaring errors, nothing I would change (other than nailing the little rat's @$$ that did that to her, but then there goes the story). I didn't like this, and that is what you were going for. Well done.
Merry Christmas. I'm giving reviews as gifts for Christmas and this popped up.
My first reaction was similar to Sam's when Ms. Abigail offered the cooking. "What the heck. I'll give it a shot." So I read it.. You have done well. This is well written. The characters are well developed, believable, and interesting. The situation and Sam's dilemma are believable. I see no glaring errors, nothing I would change.
Merry Christmas! I'm giving reviews as gifts this Christmas.
I had never heard of a diatelle before. As I am not a poet, I would find writing this extremely difficult. However, and although I am not a fan of poetry, I found this to be intriguing. I counted some of the syllables in each line, and found no mistakes. I see no glaring errors, nothing I would change. Thanks for the notes at the end. I might have been lost without it.
Merry Christmas! I am giving a few reviews as Christmas presents and this popped up.
Am I ever glad I found this. As one grandparent to another, I can truly say I agree with you wholeheartedly! I urge you to look at "A birth announcement limerick" and "Another Birth Announcement" and perhaps "Happiness " , all from my port as examples of what grandkids mean to us.
On to this. This is well-written. I see no glaring errors, nothing I'd recommend you change. Well done.
Merry Christmas! I'm giving reviews as Christmas presents and this popped up.
First off, I hope this is a true story. May God bless yin for your compassion. I should do the same.
I really like this. This well written. You express yourself well. As a resident of Florida, I thoroughly appreciate your desire for lower temps come July! I will be the first to admit I don't understand poetry, especially freeform poetry, very well. I think (& it's just my opinion) every line should be capitalized. I like the words you colorized. I think it adds a certain pizzazz. I would recommend colorizing more of the words, maybe all of the verbs.
Merry Christmas! I'm giving a few reviews as Christmas presents and this popped up.
I find some easily fixed problems with this. But first, notice that you got 4 stars. You have expressed yourself very well. It is depressing, sad and bitchy, which I feel you were going for. Hence the 4 stars.
Now, the problems. You switch tenses often:
Tuesday
It was another day that STARTED peacefully. However, as the afternoon PROGRESSES, your parents SAW on TV News Reporters and the weather people warning everyone that the weather tomorrow could be quite disastrous and they should make plans to protect themselves today! Your father ROLLS his eyes before he SWITCHES channels to a comedy movie with Nicholas Cage in it.
Choose a tense. I would recommend staying in past tense:
Tuesday
It was another day that STARTED peacefully. However, as the afternoon PROGRESSED, your parents saw on TV News Reporters and the weather people warning everyone that the weather tomorrow could be quite disastrous and they should make plans to protect themselves today! Your father ROLLED his eyes before he SWITCHED channels to a comedy movie with Nicholas Cage in it.
IMHO, this improves it immensely. There are other examples, I just chose to highlight this particular passage.
You've done well.
Write on.
Smiles,
Dad
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