This was a really great poem! I think you could've given it a little bit more of a layout, I think the shorter stanzas could've been stretched out to make equal stanzas! I also think it was a little short, I think you could've put even more feeling in if you had given yourself more lines to do so. Otherwise, though, I like the poem, I can really feel the way you feel about this girl (if she's real- the ending makes you wonder: is this girl real? or is she just a fantasy?)
This story really tugged at my heartstrings. I didn't see the allegory for life coming, and when it hit me I had to reread the story to catch the full effect. The ending was spectacular, and you can feel the energy and love spilling from the man to his once-young bride. If I had to criticize one thing, you blew through some parts pretty quickly, and some more description in the middle would've made this stellar work even better!
This poem really tugged at my heartstrings, and it got a lot more intense at the end. Which brings me to my criticisms- the beginning moves a little fast, and before you can swallow one phrase you're on the next one. But after a few sentences it gets a lot slower and more thoughtful, and overall I think this is a great poem. Good work!
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