Initial impression: I think you are trying to say something of a deep meaning to you. In answer to your question "are we all equally blind?", no we aren't for you see and feel something.Unfortunately, I,the reader don't know what it is.
Grammar and Punctuation: Grammar is first rate. My thoughts on your punctuation is one of my pet peeves (sorry!). I find the multiple periods excessive and distracting from your story. I see no need for a hyphen in line 1 stanza 10.
Vocabulary: Appropriate but carefully choosing key words would give this piece more focus and direction. An example is the first stanza and the words oppression (an unjust or cruel exercise of authority or power)vs. presence (the bearing, carriage, mien, or air of a person). I don't know to what you're referring.
Phrasing: Well written phrases chopped up by excessive punctuation. My favorite: This feeling of gathering thunder storms...
The faint traces of fear on the tongue.
Originality: Unique and original.
Overall: Your potential is great if you remember what Joseph Priestly said. "The more elaborate our means of communication, the less we communicate." Speak with more clarity and directness. Your writing effectiveness will grow exponentially. I thank you for the opportunity to review this work. Keep writing and reading!
This is reminiscent of many employee evaluation or rating systems that become inflated to the point of being meaningless. Your honesty in this article is refreshing and appropriate. It reminds me that giving false hope is crueler than giving a good rating for poor writing. Thank you for a well-written, insightful viewpoint on the rating process.
The philosophy of this site seems to be one of honest encouragement for the writer. This is especially important for a new writer, like me. So far, the thoroughness of expalnation of the workings of this site is excellent. This article is a great example.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jeff2037
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.11 seconds at 5:14pm on Nov 21, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
